The Boy I Can't Remember

Chapter 28.

When I open my eyes I feel déjà vu from the first time I ended up in hospital. Although I have no memory of why I'm in here.

Unfortunately I remember all of the events that happened with Ryder and Lily. I can't think about that now though. I feel lethargic, as I usually do after suffering a seizure, but this felt different.

The discomfort of the cannula in my nose and tubes inserted in my arm trigger the urge to pull them out.

"Carson," it's my mom's voice.

I move my gaze to the end of the hospital bed, where my mom had just entered the room. She moves to my side.

"What happened?" I question, my weak voice croaks.

Sadness and concern fills her eyes as she speaks, "You went into something called status epilepticus."

I return a confused look at her, not understanding what she's talking about.

Mom let's out a breath, "you have post traumatic epilepsy."

"Caused by the car accident?" I ask.

She nods, "you'll be okay, it's all about management."

"How long have I been out?"

"Several hours," mom squeezes my hand.

"Did the hospital call you?"

"No, your friend Ryder did. He's sitting in the waiting room, I'll go update him and the doctor." She tells me before leaving the room.

But the last person I want to see is Ryder. I couldn't bare to look at him knowing he took advantage of my situation. I get heart palpitations when I see him walk through the door. My anger returned all over again.

"I'm glad that you're okay," Ryder says, he awkwardly shoves his hands in his pockets.

Stubbornly, I turn my head to the side, away from him. To let him know I didn't want to talk to him.

"Carson," he's closer now, "I'm sorry, about everything. I know what I did was wrong, it was never my intention to hurt you."

"Well you did," I mutter.

"I want you to know that my feelings for you are real. Since the day you arrived in Phoenix, you've changed everything for me."

I snap my gaze towards him, "do you realise how confusing it is to wake up in a hospital bed with no memory of how you got there? To live in an unfamiliar city with people who I should remember but are just strangers to me?"

"I know I-"

I cut him off, "then you came a long, and I felt like I had known you forever. You were the only person to help me but it just turned out to be some ploy to get in my pants."

Ryder takes a step forward, "It wasn't like that at all, I swear. I've never felt about anyone the way I feel about you."

"Get out," I demand sternly.

"I want to fix this," he ignores me.

"You and Lily deserve each other," I say.

Ryder releases a sigh of frustration, "I'm not interested in her."

"How many times?" I blurt out.

"What?"

I raise my voice, "How many times did you sleep with her?"

He hesitates to answer, "only twice. I had the biggest fucking crush on you, so I used her to get over it. Obviously it didn't work."

"Is that suppose to make me feel better?" I question angrily.

"Tell me what I can do," he tells me, sounding desperate.

"You can never come near me again. You're the biggest regret I've ever made," my words are laced with venom.

I watch as his face crumbles before he briskly walks out, passing my doctor on the way. I don't have time to fall apart, due to the doctor wanting to check my stats. So I attempt to push Ryder and Lily to the back of my mind.

"When can I go home?" I ask him.

The doctor checks his board, "We need to keep you under observation for a few hours and sort out your medication."

"Is that really necessary? I mean I've had seizures before."

"The seizures you experienced were abnormal. SE is life threatening, when you're seizing your brain is deprived of oxygen due to the spasms disrupting your breathing," he explains.

"Oh," I respond.

The doctor leaves a few minutes later, and then my mom is back, coffee in hand. She takes a seat in the chair beside me.

"We need to talk Carson," my mom begins and I know this is going to be a serious conversation.

"Okay," I reply, nervous.

"How would you feel about moving back to Seattle?"

I'm immediately shocked. We've only been in Phoenix for less than a year and she already wants to move back to Seattle?!

"What why?" I ask.

"I know the past month has been stressful for you, and with your new diagnosis I think it's better for you to be somewhere you're familiar with."

"But my memories are coming back," I tell her.

"That's really good progress but it's no secret that there's been nothing but issues since we've moved here. I'm not going to force you, it's completely up to you," mom gives me a comforting smile.

I think about this. There are more pros than cons about getting out of here. I'd go back to my real home, be with people I know, make full recovery and manage my epilepsy. It's not like I have any true friends here. Maybe it would be the best thing for me.

I take a deep breath, "Okay," I finally decide, "I want to go home, to Seattle."

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Would you forgive Ryder?