The Boy I Can't Remember

Chapter 20.

"Carson! My god, why did you do that for?" My mom is furious with me.

But all I can do is stare at Ryder who surprisingly didn't get scared away from my slap.

"Ms Reynolds it's okay." Ryder tries calming her down.

"No it definitely is not okay. Carson you apologise to Ryder right this instant or god help you." My mom warns me.

"It was justified. I just really need to talk to Carson." Ryder says to my mom but looks at me. His green eyes pierce into me but I can't look away.

I grab some of his shirt and pull him outside, near the mailbox so we can speak privately.

"You came back quickly." I say.

"I felt bad." He replies.

"You should."

I go to cross my arms but Ryder unexpectedly catches my right hand and holds it which sends warmth shooting up my arm.

"I thought you didn't want to be around me let alone touching me." I tell him.

"I wish we could be together but-" He pauses.

"But?" I wait.

"I'm bad for you."

"What are you talking about? You've done nothing but be good to me. You're a good guy."

He curses softly, "Maybe in another life, this... we could happen but not this one. We are the polar opposites. We don't belong, but Carson you are the most beautiful girl I've had the pleasure of knowing and I hope everything gets better for you."

"You can't just take me on dates and kiss me then leave. That's not fair." Tears threaten to spill out but I refuse to look like a weak girl crying over him.

"I'm sorry." He replies.

A single tear trickles down my cheek so I cock my head downwards but Ryder sees, because his other hand cups my chin and tilts my face up, his thumb glides smoothly across my face to wipe the tear.

"Look after yourself okay?"

For a second I think he's about to hug me, or even better-kiss me but he does neither.

"Okay. Whatever. It's fine." I say trying to be strong which was a fail attempt because my voice shakes.

He drops my hand and I long to reach out and grab his again.

"I just wanted to explain, I'll see you around. Thanks again, for everything." He gives me the saddest smile ever before turning around and getting into his car.

"Wait!" I say.

He pauses and looks at me.

"Where are you staying? Is everything alright?"

"My home."

"Is that safe? I mean your dad-"

"Carson. I'm not your problem anymore." He tells me before starting his car and driving off.

I stand in the same spot and watch as his range rover travels down my street. It's okay I tell myself, I can focus on myself now.

I turn and head back inside my house, my mom is holding a mug and is obviously waiting for an explanation.

"Ryder and I are over." Is all I say to her.

"I'm so sorry Carson." She goes in to give a comforting hug but I step backwards.

"It's alright mom. My recovery is more important."

She doesn't say anything because I know that she agrees.

"I'm going to take a nap." I say and walk past her.

"Okay darling."

I shut my bedroom door and move my laptop from my bed onto my desk and then I collapse onto my cold sheets and fall asleep, shutting the world out.