The Boy I Can't Remember

Chapter 17.

Pulp Fiction played on the large movie screen at the drive in cinema. Ryder and I sat on the bonnet of his range rover with a red striped box of popcorn in between us. The stillness of the summer air made me regret wearing my dungarees instead of a pair of shorts. Quite a few people are here but it's relatively quiet. All afternoon I had been prepping myself to tell Ryder about the flashbacks, I don't know why I'm so nervous I mean he would obviously give me support and comfort.

"Ryder." I say blankly.

"Yeah?" He says as he reaches for more popcorn, his eyes focused on the movie.

If I don't do it now I never will I remind myself.

"My memory has started coming back." I say quickly.

Ryder's eyes widen as he rapidly looks at me, I think he almost chokes on the popcorn.

"Are you serious?" He asks.

"Why wouldn't I be serious?" I question.

"When?"

"It first happened a few nights ago on our date and it happened again this afternoon." I answer.

"Any specific memories?"

"Being in the car on the night it happened, I don't know they're like little clips of my past." I try to explain. "We can talk about it later after we get home."

He nods and takes out a packet of cigarettes.

"Are you allowed to smoke here?" I ask cautiously.

"Do I look like someone who abides by the rules?" He questions me as if the answer is obvious.

I shake my head grinning, "Take off that leather jacket and cut your hair and you would."

He lights his cigarette, takes a puff then looks at me, "Yeah but you love my hair."

"I don't deny it." I respond.

                         •••••••••

After the movie finishes I find myself walking across the road towards a playground that sat in the middle of the greenery. Ryder and I happily sit on the swing set. The street lamps giving us the only light.

"What was your life like back in Seattle?" Ryder unexpectedly asks.

"Nice, I guess. I had two good friends, Tessa and Ellen.."

"Boyfriend?" Ryder interrupts.

"Nope." I reply truthfully.

"Good, no rivalry." He jokes.

I laugh at this.

"So what happened to your dad? If you don't mind me asking."

"He died when I was five, coincidentally a car accident."

"Sorry." Ryder says.

"It's fine. I guess my family has bad luck with driving." I try to not make this conversation depressing.

"What's your biggest regret?" He asks.

I think about this for a moment, "Probably getting into that car. What about you?"

"Too many to choose from. My whole life is filled with regrets." Ryder answers.

"We all make mistakes." I tell him.

"So do you want to stay in Arizona?" Ryder questions, changing the subject.

"I would love to go to California."

"Yeah, I get that. I'd prefer to be near the ocean. There's not too many exciting things to do in Phoenix." He says.

"Have you heard from Sheridan lately? She hasn't replied to my texts." I ask.

"She does that sometimes. Disappears for a few days then suddenly she turns up at your front door like she never left. Sheridan's a weird one, cool though."

"Did you two ever, you know.. hook up?" I wonder if I sound jealous at all.

Ryder laughs, "We probably made out once but that's all. I think of her as my older sister."

"Oh." I nod my head.

Half an hour later we jump in his car and travel home. It turned out to be a great night. The car ride is short and we end up in the driveway within ten minutes. The lights are all off so I guess mom is in bed, it was 10:45 after all.
I unlock the front door and switch the living room light on.

"Want to watch another documentary?" I cheerfully ask Ryder.

He doesn't look too happy though, "Uh nah, I'm tired I might just call it a night."

"Okay." I try and hide my disappointment.

He doesn't kiss me or anything, instead he walks upstairs leaving me by myself. Did I do something wrong? I start asking myself. Suddenly feeling extremely insecure and going over every thing I said tonight. He probably is just tired, I mean I am too. I pour myself a glass of water and take my medication before going up to my room, brushing my teeth then getting into bed. Sleep comes to me fairly quickly.

Sunlight creeps through my blinds, I sit up in my bed. I change in to simple black t-shirt and ripped denim jeans. I tie my hair back into a ponytail. My house sounds more silent than most mornings, usually I'd hear water running from the bathroom and people walking up and down the stairs but today I don't. My mom could have been called into work earlier than most days.

I walk down the staircase and I immediately realise that I'm the only person here. I check the kitchen, the study and the laundry before heading back upstairs, I go into my room and check my phone but the only message I have is from my mom telling me she's at work. I walk across to Ryder's room and knock but there's no answer, I open the door and to my surprise the bed is very neatly made, the entire room is clean. Ryder's skateboard isn't here, his bag isn't either, in fact it looks like he hadn't stayed here at all. But I notice a piece of paper laying on the bed, I grab it and sit on the bed. Writing is scrawled across it.

Carson -
I cannot express my gratitude to you and your mom for letting me stay here, you have helped me massively. I have to leave though, I'd rather not be here anymore. I think it's best that we don't see each other anymore. Thank you for everything, it's okay if you hate me for this.
Don't contact me.
Ryder.