The Boy I Can't Remember

Chapter 22.

My back is pushed back onto the cold stone pool wall as Will becomes more rough with the kiss. I want to run my hand through his hair but I remember this is not Ryder I'm kissing. Will's hands grab each side of my waist as he pulls away.

"I'm sorry, we shouldn't do this." He tells me.

"I know, you're right." I agree with him. "I probably should never be allowed to touch vodka again."

"Ryder is going to be furious with me."

"You're going to tell him about this?" I ask.

"I just made out with his ex-"

I interrupt him, "We weren't dating."

"Right. Well still, we don't keep secrets from each other and I just broke bro-code."

"Sorry." I say. The last thing I want is to come between their friendship.

Kissing him was a messy, drunk mistake. Not with Ryder's best friend, I could never hurt Ryder like that. This was an awful idea, coming to this stupid party. I swim to the ladder and climb out. The happiness and excitement that the alcohol forced through my body has vanished and is replaced with extreme nausea and dizziness. I pull my clothes back over my dripping wet body and leave Will alone in the pool.

I enter back inside the house and immediately start looking for Sheridan, she was suppose to come back outside. I see her standing on the other side of the room talking to a girl with curly brown hair.

"Sheridan." I say.

She turns around, "Oh, shit I'm sorry. I got caught up with my girlfriend."

I smile and look at the girl next to her, "Your best friend?" I question.

Both of them look like they're about to burst out laughing, "Carson, I'm not straight." Sheridan tells me. "This is my girlfriend Rosalie."

I feel like an idiot, "Oh." I anxiously chuckle, "Nice to meet you Rosalie, I'm Carson." I greet her.

"You too Carson." Rosalie replies.

"Well, I'll leave you two to it." I tell them with a grin.

"Wait for me outside okay? I'm just going to say goodbye to some people then I'll take you home." Sheridan instructs me.

I nod and Sheridan and Rosalie smile at me as I back away.

I again spot Ryder with the same blonde girl, he looks at me so I give him an exaggerated wave. He does a confused head nod at me. I stumble away out the front door.

I walk, or at least try to without falling over down the driveway that is crowded with cars. When I feel vomit come up my throat I lean over and start puking up on a plant in the garden. Why do people get drunk? This is awful. The vomit stops coming out but I don't stand up straight, scared that I'll have to vomit again.

Suddenly I feel hands on the middle of my back, I turn my head slightly where Ryder comes into view. He has a concerned look on his face.

"Carson, are you alright?"

"Why do you care?" I ask viciously.

Ryder sighs heavily, "Aren't you on medication?"

"Yeah, so?"

"So, you can't drink when you're on anti seizure meds." He says it like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

I stand up straight, "I didn't take them today." I start thinking, "Did I take them yesterday?" I shrug and laugh.

"What the fuck Carson, that's dangerous. Do you have your pills with you?" He questions.

"Are you a doctor now?"

"No I'm just not stupid." He retorts.

"Do you know what I think is stupid? That it's only been two weeks and you're already with some other girl."

"I'm not with her."

I cross my arms, "Oh so you're going to hang out with her and then abandon her like you did to me? Like I was nothing?"

"No." His voices grows louder, "It's not like that Carson. You were special, you are special."

"Hey is everything alright?" Sheridan joins us now.

Ryder turns to her angrily, "No everything is not alright Sheri. Look at her she's completely fucking wasted."

"She's fine." Sheridan replies back.

I feel like I'm going to vomit again and I notice a throbbing pain in my head.

Ryder shakes his head in frustration. "You do realise that she is on meds for her seizures which she hasn't even taken for the past two days."

"I didn't know that." Sheridan responds.

"Maybe you should think next time."

Sheridan looks taken back, "Don't talk to me like that Ryder."

I put my hand to my forehead as the pain gets worse, "Don't argue please." I mutter.

I'm not listened to by either of them.

"You deserve to know when you screw up." Ryder really raises his voice now.

A metallic taste takes over my taste buds.

"I get it Ryder. I'm sorry!" Sheridan says. 

The smell of burnt rubber overcomes me and my anxiety spikes.

"Are you ever sorry about anything?!" Ryder is almost yelling.

"Stop." My voice comes out as a whisper.

But it's as if I'm not even standing here next to them.

"Oh yeah? What's that suppose to mean?" Sheridan is agitated too now.

"It means that your act of not giving a shit about the world needs to stop!"

My head is pounding now. Like a drum. Their voices sound incredibly loud and my body is now numb.

"Stop it!" I shout.

My loudness startles both of them and they look at me worryingly.

The next thing I know it feels like I'm slipping. Ryder reacts swiftly, he grabs me in his arms and holds me up.

"Carson?" Panic fills his voice.

Sheridan says something but it sounds all slurred.

I try to focus, maybe I can stop the seizure from happening. It's not possible of course. I lose control over my body and completely collapse, Ryder gently lies me down on the ground.

My vision is the first to go, blackness is all I can see. Then my hearing goes. And it feels like I'm falling asleep.

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