The Boy I Can't Remember

Chapter 27.

                      RYDER'S POV

Carson's seizure lasts nearly eight minutes. I stand close to where she's still laying and watch the paramedics stick tubes up her nose. I managed to grab her phone and call her mom to let her know what's going on.

I can't help but think that I caused this.

Her eyes flutter open as she regains consciousness and she immediately goes into a panic. She waves her hands about aggressively and then claws her left arm and rips out the IV. The female paramedic pins her hands down but I swiftly move next to her and grabs her hand and squeeze it so she knows I'm here.

To my surprise, she squeezes my hand back.

She's completely out of it though, she mustn't remember the events that lead up to this fit.

"Carson it's okay, you've just suffered a long seizure, we're here to take care of you." The paramedic talks to her sternly.

The paramedics lift her onto a stretcher, strap her in and wheel her outside Will's house towards the ambulance. I stay by her side every step of the way.

To my horror another seizure arises and Carson begins to wildly convulse for the second time. The paramedics waste no time in turning her onto her side into the recovery position. I step back to allow them plenty of space to do their jobs.

Seeing her like this was painful.

I stressfully run my fingers through my hair as I watch the terrifying scene in front of me.

There was something seriously wrong happening to her and there is nothing I can do to help.

Someone places their hand on my back gently. It's Lily, who still has a red cheek from Carson hitting her.

"She's going to be fine, Ryder." Lily says.

I refuse to look at her, "You don't know that." I reply bluntly and shake her hand off me.

"God, I'm trying to make you feel better." She replies in annoyance.

Carson's seizure has finished and they start wheeling her into the ambulance, but I know she's not out of the woods yet.

I sigh angrily, "Well don't." I finally meet her eyes, "You can stay the hell away from me."

And then I storm away from her and enter the back of the ambulance to be with Carson. The male paramedic removes the tubes from her nose and replaces it with an oxygen mask and then administrates more medication through her IV drip. Carson stays unconscious for the entirety of the trip to the hospital.

They rush her into the emergency department and into the resuscitation bay whilst a nurse kindly directs me to the waiting room.

I manage to sit down for a few minutes but my mind is racing and I no longer can stand being in here so I walk outside the hospital and pull out a cigarette and lighter. My hands tremble as I light it up and then I crouch down and tilt my head up against the wall.

My thoughts are all over the place. Carson hates me. Again.

She never stopped hating me, she just couldn't remember and I used that to win her over. I don't know what I was thinking. 

The first moment I saw her at school, looking down at her timetable, there was something about her that had me mesmerized. I lusted for quite a few girls but what I felt wasn't that, it was something more and deeper than lust.

But I knew that someone like her would never be interested in a messed up troublemaker so I shoved my feelings down and acted like an idiot instead.

I fucked it up.

"Ryder?" It's Will hovering in front of me.

Sheridan and Lily are with him as well.

"How is she?" Sheridan asks me.

I don't say anything I just shrug my shoulders and take a long drag of my cigarette.

"I'm going to ask the nurse if there's any news." Will says.

"I'll come with you." Sheridan tells him and they both enter the hospital leaving Lily and I.

Lily sits down on the ground next to me and tucks her bright blue hair behind her ears.

"I thought I told you to stay away from me." I say nonchalantly.

"I know you didn't mean it." She replies taking my cigarette from my hand and putting it to her lips.

"You lied to me."

She exhales, "About?"

I look at her, "The car accident. You never mentioned that you told her that we hooked up."

"I didn't think it was relevant."

"Lily, was that the cause of the accident?"

She hesitates to answer but eventually does, "It distracted her. There really was a coyote on the road though. I had to swerve for her."

I nod and then put my head in my hands. I have no energy to discuss this any longer.

"I warned you from the beginning that this was never going to have a happy ending." She speaks again.

She's right.

Lily edges closer and leans against me.

"But I'll always be here for you Ryder. Whenever you need me."

Lily and I sit on the ground as people head in and out of the hospital. We were in this disastrous situation together.