The Biggest Lie // Loki x Stark Daughter

32. I won't do it

When I entered my room I saw Loki said playing with one of my prototypes on the couch. He looked so calm and distracted, something I don't see really often on him, I laid on the door and just stared at him. I wasn't sure of anything anymore, he is a mystery, maybe an illusion, but he barely seems real right now.

- _(yn), Are you alright? - The moment he spoke I realized he was in front of me, but I wasn't looking at him anymore, but then he holds me and I don't understand why not until I realize I'm crying in his arms. He guides me to the couch and talks to me, but I'm not hearing a word he speaks, all I know is that it hurts, it hurts so much. - _(yn), talk to me- 

- I'm leaving - he looks at me with worried eyes, but I don't know what to think anymore -I'm leaving, Dad and I are leaving, he doesn't want to live here anymore, and in all honestly I don't think I want to either - I stand up and see his eyes now confused, and all I wonder is when I started to read his face so easily, or is this another lie, or am I just too naive. -Some workers are going to come and help me pack everything, I, I need you to leave- His expression, oh when I said the last words, he looked so hurt, but I couldn't do this right now, not now that I don't even know how I feel. - I'm sorry, I need some time-. 

He looked at the floor, if I wasn't crying myself I had sworn he was crying too. -Alright then, I... I'll go-. And with that, he disappeared.

-What have I done?- I whispered to myself - What have I done? - I felt on the floor, it hurt, my chest hurt, and all that came to my mind is how selfish I've been. 

If I haven't lie to my father maybe I'd feel better, if I haven't given in to peer pressure maybe Loki and I would actually be friends. If I haven't been so selfish I would have realized what was happening to the avengers. 

I took a false step and even though I always knew it I kept walking in that same direction, and now, everything is broken, and I don't even understand if he actually cares.

The next day Dad asked if I wanted to go on vacation and I said yes because anything that can help me to keep my mind off of him is all I want. We both seemed gloomier, at least non of us wanted to talk more about tragedies and we kept trying to cheer each other up by talking about the drinks and food we'll have. But I knew that at the back of my mind all I was wondering was if Loki really cared, at least a little bit, of nothing at all, I wanted him to care but I wasn't sure anymore.

The sand and the air gave me some peace and every now and then everywhere we went I thought I saw him, but I was never truly sure.