Saved by Gaga

{36}

I go into the garden and find Joanne laying on the swing bench. Just laying there looking at the stars and thinking. Her eyes shone like the stars she was looking up at. They shone from tears. I go and lay next to her. She wraps her arms around me as we lay there.

"I never want to let you go again. I want to watch you grow into a strong, independent, bad ass female. I can't let you go again. And we are going to be able to do so much together. You are coming with me to the VMA's and then you can help me record. You are going to go so far with your music you're so talented. And you were so freaking talented without me either so i am not letting anyone play that card either. I never knew i needed you this badly." she says trying to sort the world in her head out in one sentence.

"I know. Except i knew i needed you as my mother monster. I didn't know i needed you like this though." i simply respond.

"I must say sorry in advance for the press and the media and the paparazzi. They sometimes try to make life hard but i would not have dragged you into it if i thought it would affect you badly. No matter how much i love you i would still not have dragged you in i thought you could not cope. I promise."

"I know and i can. I don't get affected by it badly. It will be ok. But as for what happened at the dinner table. Your Dad did not mean that in a bad way. He just didn't think it though. He was thinking out loud. I think it will take awhile for him to get his head around the fact that his daughter is a mother." i try and say carefully. But i wish i could take it back as soon as i said it.

Joanne breaks down in sobs. "I have always been a mother. Always. Just because i had to give you up does not mean i was not a mother. He just can't come to terms with the fact i had a daughter. He was disgraced when i fell pregnant. He never said so but i could tell. He was never the same. He was so so close 2 years after it had happened. But he was never quite there. Now he actually needs to come to terms with it." she says with a bitter tone.

"Stefani Joanne Germanotta. Your father cared and looked after you his whole life. He was probably upset that his daughter got pregnant because is just not what he stood for but it happened and he will get used to it. Its just a shock. He is fine with it really. You did not hear the conversation that happened after you left. He was not mad or discussed when i left the table. Really before he knew that i was actually your daughter, he was proud. He was proud that you were looking after someone in need. He still has that he just lost it for a second." i say to her.

"I cant believe i tried to forget about you for so long. I loved you but i needed to forget it for everyone's sake. But i can't believe i did it." she says trying to apologize. I feel so bad for her having to take this but it was her decision. Although she could never have told how it would work out.

"Gaga, did you really eat cake on my birthday every year?" i ask smiling.

Tears still roll down her face as she nods her head. "It was the most bitter sweet day of the year. Only i would know why i was eating cake. Well and Tara because your birthday often fell on days when we were together. If you look back though my Instagram pictures on July 25th ever since i got Instagram there is a picture of me, or Tara and I eating cake with sad smiles. It was the only day of the year i let my self think about it all." she gets up and smiles. "But now i get to think about it for the whole year. Come on lets go inside and finish this conversation."