Saved by Gaga

{49}

I wake up and pick up my phone. I never really used to do this but i do now. I wanted to see all the comments and mentions i had had over night. Just seeing what the little monsters and my friends were up to. After 20 minutes Joanne roles over and groans. She must be so sore from last night.

"Mils, what time is it?" she asks half awake.

"Its 9:30. I've got you pain killer you must hurt all over."

"I do hurt all over. I must look a state after all these bruises have come out." she tells me as i pass her the pills and a drink.

"No i don't think they will look too bad i treated them with things to help them go down. You will be ok. I'm going to look after you." i tell her.

"We can look after each other ok? But today we have a busy day so we can't lay in bed forever. We need to go see grandma and then we are flying home. Its going to be a late night." she says.

I lift her head up to look at me. "Joanne, are you really ok?" i ask her. No matter what she says i know she is not going to be i just needed to see how much she is going to accept that.

"Yes Mils I'm fine. Life just goes on." she says looking anywhere but at me.

"Joanne, one day probably not today but one day you are going to have to talk to yourself about what happened last night. Its so hard but you have to do it. You can't just block it. But I'm gonna be here and you can talk to your Mum and Dad and Natalia." i say and then move her head to look at me. Last night i could feel her tossing and turning and then wrapping her arms around me.

"I know i know not today though because we have stuff to do."

We get out of bed and get ready to go to Joanne's Grandma's house.

At Grandma's house;

"Hey Grandma we are here." Stefani shouts from the door.

"Oh Stefani, hello dear its been awhile! How are you? Oh and Millie hello dear its so nice to meet you. Last time a saw a picture you were 2 hours old. Oh my you have grown!" She hugs Stefani and then me.

"Grandma can have this peach." Stefani shouts from the kitchen she has now walked into.

"Of course my dear help your self." Her Grandma says back. "All she does is eat you know." She says with a laugh. "Do you want anything Millie?"

"I'm ok thank you though." I tell her.

"Mils can you eat something please you didn't have breakfast." Joanne says whilst throwing me a peach of me own.

"Millie your accent it the cutest thing ever." Stefani's Grandma tells me.

"Aha thank you. Lots of Americans like our British accents." I tell her.

"And we also like your manners. I recon Britain says 'please and thank you' more than the rest of the word in whole." She chuckles.

"We probably do you know. But that's kinda bad because it means we think the rest of the world is being impolite."

She laughs at this. Stefani is fiddling with her phone and Metallica starts playing on full blast. I laugh because only the other day I got in trouble for having AC/DC play from my phone unexpectedly.

"Miss Sterani Germanotta can you please turn that down. What a racket." Gma declares.

"Sorry sorry." Stefani laughs.

"Millie I fell like I need to let you know how much you remind me of Joanne. You are the same." She pulls me in for a hug and I hug her back. It's incredible what this family had to go though and then now how they have accepted me.

Stefani explains the album she is working on and plays her Grandma the song "Joanne". Everyone agrees it's beautiful. We sit for a while longer and chat. This is when my phone rings.
And the caller ID says "Mother". I just lift up my phone to Stefani and show her. I know I have to pick it up and she reconfirms that. I go to take it in another room. As I walk away I can hear Stefani telling her Grandmother what my home life was like.

On the phone to my adoptive Mother back in England.

Me: Hello...
Mum: Oh hello Millie. What about long time no freaking information.
It all comes flooding back to me how alone I really am and what it is like being in the relationship my mum and I have.
Me: I know I'm really sorry. I was just so busy with going to America and helping in the studio. How have you been?
Mum: Well I have been good thanks. It's so much easier now you are not at home. Jane says you were knocked out for 3 days. What stupid thing did you do this time?
This is when I start to silently cry. I get up and walk around to try and comfort myself.
Me: Well I am glad you are good. I maybe fell out of a really tall tree. Yeah I was challenging something someone said.
Mum: Well that's stupid you should have just moved on and left it alone.
Me: Well I didn't and then I hurt myself. I still have a cast on. But it's ok because I can walk on it normally.
Mum: I hope that you get it off soon. It must be a problem. Anyway I'm going to go now. I wanted to make sure you were alive. I'm not that cold. I think I'm needed. Bye
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And the phone line goes dead. I fell all alone again. Just the one conversation and I fell like northing. She only called me to rub life in my face.

I am in the kitchen so I take a knife out the drawer and slide it across my skin. The relief is immediate. But it's a sharp kitchen knife and I miss judge how deep I cut. Blood comes rushing out. Normally the sight helps me, today it was something to be scared of. My hands shake this time I really had gone too far.