The 100 Imagines & Preferences

His name |j.m.

A scream tore from your throat, a desperate cry of a name slipping from your lips. You couldn't stop the boys name from leaving your mouth at what you thought would have been your very final moments. You didn't scream for Bellamy, or Raven, the two by your side the entire 6 years. Not Harper or Monty, your family since day 1 on the ground. Not Echo or Emori, the grounder women that could damn well save your ass. No, you screamed for the boy that pushed you away; that you wanted to hate, but never could.

In almost an instant, the Eligius prisoners hands went weak around your throat, the man falling limp to the ground. A strangled cough forced from deep within you, your lungs filling in heaved breaths.

"Y/N." Murphy's hands placed on either side of your face, soft eyes staring down at you. A glint of a tear was in his eye, but you forced yourself away. You hated yourself for crying out. You hated that his name was on your tongue when you were most desperate.

You forced yourself from the ground, stumbling towards one of the many broken Polis buildings. Shouldering inside, you let out a huff of air, pulling yourself on top of the broken stone counter. Knees up to your chest and chin settled against your arms, all you wanted was to block the thoughts that plauged your mind.

"There you are." A muttered voice caught your attention, the girl hobbling past debris to the counter beside you. Leaning back against the stone, Ravens head tilted to the side to look over at you, doe like eyes stuck on your sad expression.

"I don't wanna talk about it Ray-"

"Well, too bad. Because I'm here now, and its happening." She stated, clapping a hand on your leg. "You miss him, everyone can see that; and he feels the same, everyone can see that too."

"I shouldn't. I shouldn't miss him." You breathed, fingers threading through your hair in frustration.

"You said his name, Y/N. It's not a bad thing-"

"It is though." You breathed.

"Murphy was the first person you thought of, that means something. That means he's important to you." Raven spoke gently. Hands ripping from your hair, thrown in the air before you, you let out an exasperated sigh.

"Of course he is! He's one of the most important assholes in my life, but I can't change what happened. He doesn't want to be with me, he doesn't care-"

"He nearly died himself just trying to get to you." Raven rolled her eyes at your statement.

"Well, what the hell am I supposed to do about it?" A low huff left your mouth, eyes dropping to your lap. That ensured you didn't see the boy duck inside the room, not until his voice rang out against the walls.

"I have an idea."

"Were you listening to our conversation, Murphy?" You seethed. Murphy awkwardly rubbed his neck, sending you a half smile. But it was only met with your hard glare.

"I'm gonna go-"

"No." You quickly stopped the girl, hand clasped around her wrist as you shot her a pleading look. But she shook her head, gently placing her hand atop yours.

"Talk to him."

You watched Raven walk out, eyes stuck on her swayed walk as she carried herself out of the destroyed building. Staring at the light pouring through the door, Murphy stayed silent as he watched you carefully.

"Y/N, look-"

"I don't know why I said your name- I shouldn't have said your name." Your voice was cold as you never turning your head from the empty doorway.

"Yeah, missed these talks." He muttered to himself, hands lacing together. "Things are different now-"

"How? You feel more significant here?" You scoffed, pushing yourself off the counter. Wiping away at the dust on your pants, you turned to the boy with pursed lips. "You're back to the old you, and I can go back to the old me? Like nothing changed?"

"No, it's just-"

"I held out with you for five years, five years of you doing jack shit, John. Then, the sixth rolls around. While we were trying to find a way to the ground, you were off on an entirely separate part of the ship. Taking food to your ass was a punishment." You wanted to stop the words coming from your mouth, but they never halted. You wanted to forgive him, but there was 365 days worth of pent up anger, and this was your first chance to let it all out. Glossy eyed, he stared back at you with his teeth dug into his bottom lip.

"I-i know that. I regret everything I did up there, every argument we had, every word I said. But listen to me now." He breathed, hand ghosting over your arm. "I love you-"

"You can't just say that." Red hot tears streamed down your cheeks, nails digging into the skin of your palms. "You can't just-"

"How the hell was I supposed to do anything up there? I didn't make it through school Y/N, all I was taught to do was survive. Take me out of the pressure cooker, and I'm dead weight." He tried to hold back the sarcastic slurs, the angry Murphy that had been there since day 1 on the ground. All he knew was he needed you back, and that wasn't the way to do so.

"Emori used to not even believe science to exist; she piloted a rocket down to Earth by herself. Echo didn't know what the Illad was, let alone how to read it, now she knows it cover to cover. And you damn well know I wasn't trained in anything medical, now they call me their doctor." You yelled in the boys face, but he took it with tear filled eyes. "You don't have to be an expert to be helpful. You don't have to practice something for six years for us to need you. All I needed from you was for you to be there. And now here we are."

"Now here we are." He muttered to himself, hand pushing through his hair. "Tell me what you want, Y/N. Say the word and I'll leave right now."

You fell back against the counter, hands pressing over your face. You didn't want him to leave, but you didn't forgive him either. "I-i don't know." Back scratching against the chipped surface as you collapsed down to the floor, knees pulling to your chest. "I can't do this right now." Murphy took a step forwards, moving towards your broken state. He gently grabbed your shoulder, making you draw in a deep breath. "Please just go."

"I-im sorry." He choked out.