Shields- A Tom Hiddleston Fanfiction

Chapter 31

Patrick woke up some days ago. He's not at the funeral though. On such short notice though, many people arrive to Holly's gravesite.

Joel holds the urn of ashes, and I stand next to the tree we are going to plant over the ashes when they are poured into the whole.

I imagine the ceremony is nice. I don't really see any of it, too lost in my haze of grief. Tom is with me the whole time. I don't cry though. I'm done crying. I'm too tired. I'm at my wit's end. We pour the ashes, the phrase "Ashes to ashes and dust to dust" echoing in my mind. I clench my jaw, fighting back the wave of emotions.

Joel gives me a hug, promising to help me with Holly's house whenever I am ready. Until then, he will pay for the rent. I'm too tired to argue. I vaguely notice that he is sober, and his fiancé isn't being an utter... well... you know...

The real icing on the cake is the weather. In the half a month since Holly's death, it has been raining. London, typical, I know. But today, it is sunny. Holly always loved the sunny days; she wanted to go out and enjoy fresh air for once.

John, now out of the hospital, had the good sense to agree to whatever terms Joel pressed, not wanting to go to court, and evaded Tom and I.

At my request, Tom and I walk through a park not far from the graveyard itself. His hand in mine, we walk in silence amongst the trees.

After about twenty minutes, we sit down on a bench overlooking a lake.

"Alice?" Tom's voice sounds distant. It's probably just me. I turn my head to look at him. He gives me a small smile, taking my hand. "I hate to press this, dove, but the pressure has increased."

"I know, I know. Infinity war opening night." I sigh, leaning forward to drop my head into my hands. I massage my temples, thinking. "Holly would probably tell me to go. After all, she was more excited about me going than I actually was—no offense."

"None taken, darling."

I sigh, resting my head in my hands. "What do I do?" I suddenly laugh under my breath. "If Holly was here, I would ask for her advice, because often times, she knows me better than I know myself. Isn't it ironic?"

Tom smirks slightly, reaching over to take my hand and lower it from my face. I sit up and lean against Tom's shoulder. After a long moment, I close my eyes and let myself relax into him.

"In all honesty, the worst thing for me is to be alone. If it hadn't been for Holly those years after John... well, we can just say I wouldn't be here talking to you now." I go quiet. "It sucks; being as sensitive as I am, I force my shields up. And then I am left with my thoughts and everything that comes with. Holly was good at disarming that system, even if only for a little while." I go quiet again, focusing on the slight rise and fall of Tom's shoulders as he breathes. He squeezes my hand again, rubbing the back of it lightly with his thumb.

"I guess I'll come."

"People will ask about the sudden departure from the promotion. And they will hound you from distracting me from what the public believes are my duties."

"I know. They are only speaking the truth if they say that. Your first priority should have been the movie, Tom. I'm sorry you missed those promotions."

"You're more important. I would stay by your side if it meant missing the premiere itself or even filming the movie. Mind you, it'd make many people angry, but I'd do it."

I roll my eyes. "And the worst thing about it is that you might actually do that if I were to ask." I murmur. "Which I'm not." I then hurry to add.