(Don't play video yet.)
You were sitting in your room. Your were a mess. You had felt numb at first, but now you felt agony every second of the day. You could hardly sleep, you refused to eat, and you never came out of your room.
You had so many memories of them. You couldn't handle the fact that they were gone. It was just like your mother all over again. You hated it. You hated yourself. You'd all promised to never let it happen again. You broke it. They were gone and now there was only four of you. Your sister tried to keep you occupied and keep your mind off of it, but it was all you ever thought about it. Carl was usually crying and Zane was usually comforting him. Your father just stayed in his room. Nobody knew what he was doing in there, but you didn't dare ask.
As you cried to yourself, you soon bit back the tears and began to sing to yourself. It was the only way, other than crying, that you could release your emotions.
(Play video and read while listening please.)
"An ache...so deep...that I...can hardly breathe. This pain..can't be imagined. Will it ever heal?Ooh...ooh... Your hand..so small...held a strand of my hair..so strong. All I could do..was keep believing. Was that enough? Is anyone there? I wanna scream! Is this a dream? How could this happen, happen to me? This isn't fair! This nightmare! This kind of torture, I just can't bear! I want you here! I want you here! Ooh...ooh... I waited so long...for you to come. Then you were here. And now you're gone. I was not prepared...for you to leave me. Oh this is misery. Are you still there? I wanna scream! Is this a dream? How could this happen, happen to me? This isn't fair! This nightmare! This kind of torture, I just can't bear! I want you here! I want you here! God help me...god help me...god help me...breathe. I wanna scream! Is this a dream? How could this happen, happen to me? This isn't fair! This nightmare! This kind of torture, I just can't bear! I want you here! I want you here! Ooh...ooh....... An ache...so deep...that I...can hardly breathe...."
After you were done, you broke down crying again. You felt rage take over your body. You ran to your nightstand. You grabbed the picture of you all together and smashed it. You grabbed the picture in your fist along with a few shards of glass. You clenched it tight before releasing it. You tore it to pieces and then you ran and threw it out off the balcony.
After your rage fit you realized what you'd just done. You instantly started sobbing. I just destroyed it...my most treasured picture of us. You collapsed onto your knees. you looked at your hand. It was cut and bleeding. A few shards were still stuck in your skin. You just stared at it. You heard a knock at your door.
"(Y/n)? You okay up here? I thought I heard glass breaking." Scarlett. You realized she'd freak out if she saw your hand. You quickly hid it behind your back.
"I'm fine, just go." You said. She frowned.
"Hey, it's alright. You can talk to me. What's wrong?" She asked. Isn't it OBVIOUS? You thought, fighting back tears. Your hand was beginning to sting.
"N-nothing." You said. She noticed that you were keeping your hand behind your back. She grabbed your arm and you instantly tried to pull away. Your wrist was freed for a few seconds before she grabbed onto it again and held on tighter. She gasped.
"How did this happen!?" She exclaimed. "Oh, nevermind. Come on. Let's get you cleaned up." You got angry. You ripped your wrist free.
"You sound like an overprotective mother." You retorted. She looked stunned. She sighed.
"I'm not going to use force with you (Y/n). Come on. You know it has to be cared for just as much as I do. Please. Please don't fight me on this." She said. Though you didn't want to be near anyone right now, she was still your sister. You sighed and followed her out of the room. She got the tweezers and carefully removed any remaining glass. After that she put some disinfectant gel on it and then gently pressed the band-aids on. "There. That should keep it from getting infected." You said nothing. She sighed. "(Y/n). (Y/n) look at me." You looked up at her. "I don't know what to say to you. Nothing I do is going to help you, I understand that. We're all struggling, but even if I'm grieving myself, I want to help you. That's my job as your sister. Please. Let me in." Your anger was building up again. You're all struggling? Maybe, but you don't get it. You don't get it at all!
"I never asked you to help me." You said.
"You don't have to ask me. You just have to let me." She said.
"What if I don't want your help?" You said, glaring at her. She looked stunned.
"(Y/n) please, stop making this so much worse than it actually is." WORSE!? You stood up, fists shaking in rage.
"Worse!? WORSE!? HOW THE FUCK CAN THIS GET ANY WORSE?!" You screamed. She looked stunned and afraid.
"Z-Zane and Carl could've died too!" She said.
"Oh yay! Only TWO of my brothers are dead! I'm so fucking grateful that God decided to take only TWO of my siblings! I feel so much better now!" You said in sarcastic rage.
"(Y/n) please! Stop it!" Scarlett said.
"WHAT!? Are you scared of me!? Or are you scared that I'm not the little fucking princess you are!? Are you scared that I'll be next!? Are you afraid of failing to be the fucking copy of our fucking mother!?" You shouted. She was crying now.
"W-what's happening to you?" She whimpered.
"WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME!? YOU ASK ME THAT QUESTION!? YOU DON'T GET IT DO YOU!? HE SAID FOREVER! HE SAID HE'D BE THERE FOR ME! I PROMISED THAT I WOULDN'T LET ANOTHER ONE OF THEM DIE! IT WAS MY FAULT! I COULDN'T DO SHIT FOR MOM AND I COULDN'T DO SHIT FOR THEM EITHER!" You screamed.
"T-that's not true! Stop blaming yourself!" Scarlett said.
"Who else is there to blame!?" You yelled. Then, you stopped. "What a good question. No. You're right Scarlett. It's not my fault. It's EVERYONE'S!" You shouted.
"What?!" She exclaimed.
"It's my fault for not finding them! It's Zane fault for failing to get us all out! It's your fault for not being there! It's Jake's fault for setting off the stupid bomb! IT'S HUMANITY'S FAULT FOR MAKING ANDROIDS THEIR DAMN SLAVES AND STARTING A FUCKING DEVIANT UPRISING!" You screamed. "So no! You're right! It's not my fault! It's the WORLD'S fault! IT'S EVERYONE'S FAULT!" You began to breath in and out and then you stopped. Scarlett was shaking. You turned and saw Zane and Carl peeking out from the hallway that lead to their own rooms. They looked shocked and horrified. Nova was on the ground, covering her face with her paws. You father just stood there, staring at you. No emotion was in his eyes. You ran to your room and slammed the door shut. You were breathing hard, terrified of what you were becoming. You slid down the door and broke down crying. Monster... You heard a voice say. I'm a monster. You suddenly felt your body shut down. Monsters deserve to die. You got up and almost mechanically walked over to your nightstand. Why stay here? There's nothing good left in me. You opened the drawer and pulled something out of it. You slipped on your jacket and hid it inside of it. Just in case. You walked out of your room. You walked toward the door.
"Where are you going?" You turned. Your father was the only one left in the main entrance area.
"I'm going out." You replied. He just nodded.
"Come back before dawn." He said. You didn't reply. You walked out and began heading to one of the towers in Detroit. No turning back.
YOU ARE READING
How Do I Love You? (Connor x Reader Detroit: Become Human Fanfic)
Fanfiction"Miss (L/n), you and Anderson have been assigned with an android from Cyberlife for these cases." "Really? Well...alright. When will he or she arrive?" "I don't know, but I just hope that a stupid piece of plastic doesn't mess things up around here...
