Forbidden- A Harry Styles Story

Feel Nothing-29

Song of the chapter is 'Ain't No Rest for the Wicked' by Cage The Elephant

-Erin-

I laid back on my bed in complete exhaustion.  A bottle of wine sat on my nightstand and a cigarette was between my fingers, it's flame slowly extinguishing itself.

     I was glad that I had come to live at my Grammy's house because she was never home. She had a lot of friends and loved to socialize and shop and meet new people in London. I was just glad to have the house to myself a majority of the time.

      It gave me an opportunity to be myself. Well, the version of myself that Harry didn't know anyway. I could come and go as I pleased, without my mother or father questioning where I was. Honestly, I'm pretty sure they both gave up on calling me after I hadn't answered them the many times they had tried to call me.

      I didn't want to go back to California simply because I didn't have anything there that meant something. Sure, I still care for my parents, but I thrive on being alone. I thrive on being the person that no one knows. Mystery is my middle name.

      Kai had called once more since yesterday and I hadn't picked up, despite his previous warning. What can I say? I was high, drunk, and I wasn't up for dealing with his shit.

     I sat up slowly, my head pounding because of the alcohol as I put out my cigarette in an ashtray. Throwing my legs over the bed, I grasped for the duffel bag underneath my bed and closed my eyes as I reached for the gun. It was cold as I curled my fingers around it.

My breath seemed to rush out of my lungs as I looked at it. I curled my hand around it and closed my eyes as I positioned my finger over the trigger and rose it up in front of the mirror, observing how I looked with it in my hands.

I looked badass. Truly. But, I looked stoned. I looked drunk. I looked like I was dead inside. Maybe, I was. Anyone who kills anyone on purpose is truly dead inside.

I lowered the gun and groaned, dropping it into my bag once more and moving things around so I could grasp at the remaining cash that I had left.

After my previous encounter with Jack, I was left with a lot less money than I had started with. And, although London was different than California, I knew how to get that money. You only have to know where to go.

I sighed slowly and headed into the bathroom, putting on a crop top, paired with a jean jacket and some black shorts. I did some mediocre makeup and left it at that, leaving my hair down.

I headed back into my room and grabbed my duffel bag once more, shoving a knife into the pocket of my jacket, just in case.

"Good enough," I sighed before leaving my room and hurrying down the stairs. I exited the house quickly, locking the door behind me and walking down the street slowly.

I walked in the direction of the club I had been at when Zayn and I had kissed, sure that I would find someone there who needed what I could give.

Overall, it took me about ten to fifteen minutes to get to the club and I found myself wondering why I had even taken a cab there in the first place. But, I guess I had been at Harry's at the time anyway, and I know he would've offered to walk me home if I was walking.

   I didn't need that. I didn't want to be with him more than was necessary. Besides, the dates that we have been on recently have been much less exciting and I was trying to think of ways to spice things up without exposing myself. Believe it or not, a boy and girl can have fun with their clothes on.