New Dawn

Evangeline

Time has passed quicker than I might've liked. 

My swearing in ceremony is tomorrow. Tomorrow I will be Premier of North. And I still don't know why. With each day that question has pressed harder and harder upon me. Why do they want me?

I wish I knew.

The last week has been organizing Julians retirement, but getting it all settled so he can serve as one of my personal advisors. Him, Cal, Mare, and Farley too. It was not easy to get the senate to agree, but between bringing on the prince, the Silvers were appeased, the New Bloods with Mare, and the Reds with Farley. Surprisingly, no one seemed shocked or very opposed to my choice of advisors, just mildly concerned. But they wanted me, as their figurehead, as their mascot. Will I even have any real power?

I still laugh at the fact that now the two democracies are both ruled by a gay premier. There is a First Lady and a First Gentlemen. It brings a smile to my face even now. Though I only remember the horror this place used to bring, being able to stand here, openly gay and about to be sworn in as the highest ranking politician, it feels good. Especially with my wife at my side.

Everything is better with her here. My hatred for this place and overwhelming wish that I could just leave still remain, strong in my mind, but because she is staying, so is my sanity. 

I walk down the hallway to meet Mare for dinner in her chambers. Elane is organizing our outfits for the next day, while Cal, well I don't know where he is. I am eager however to talk to Mare. About my new position, about Cal, about anything. She is my best friend.

I enter her room with a flick of my wrist, the door opening enough to let me in before closing and locking behind me. She sits at a table in the corner, food lain carefully across it. I take a seat across from her and offer a grim smile. 

"My last night of freedom. This is like a last meal on death row."

She chuckles but shakes her head disapprovingly.

"This is a good thing Eve." She says. "You are a good choice. You're smart and engaging, you're the right call." She smiles genuinely and I can see that she means it.

I shoot back an argument that no I am not fit for this in any way shape or form, and that it is a horrible idea. But she just rebukes my statements. And she does it well, by the end of her words I too believe that I am the right choice for Norta. 

Even though there is a plot underfoot. Why do they want me?

The question does not need to be asked. She can see it in my eyes, same way I can see it in hers. It hangs between us, neither of us address it. She continues to talk as though I have been elected rather than chosen by the senate to fill in for Julian. She is convincing, but because she has no response to that question, that damned question, I cannot move past it. It's true that I might be the best choice for Norta, I could, I can, do good for us. But I worry I am a pawn in someones game. I have been a pawn before and I do not like it.

And so, wanting to tear my mind away from it, even for a moment, I change the subject. 

"What about you and the human torch?" I ask, shooting her a grin "what's going on there?"

Mare sighs, a small grin grazing her lips before she quickly shakes it off. 

"We, well.." she trails off "I don't know what we are. I actually invited here after you leave so we can, well discuss it." 

I nod. It makes sense to address it now, before sixth months go by and it's time for her to go home. That road leads back to the great 'choose me!' 'no choose me!' debacle of last year. A place I don't think any of us want to go back to. 

"What do you want?" I ask.

She hesitates for a moment and I can see that she is considering her feelings. I know that look. It is the look of someone who fears to speak their wants out loud. For once it is spoken, it becomes all too real.

"This isn't how I wanted to return..." she begins, running a hand through her loose brown hair. "But, now that I have," she pauses again, meeting my eyes.

I can see hers shining, with the stars I know too well to be present in my own eyes when I look at Elane, but also with tears. 

"I want to be with him again, Eve." she chokes out. "But I don't know how."

I narrow my eyes slightly and cock my head to the side, "What do you mean?" 

She isn't making sense.

"I don't know how I can ask him to be with me when I can never truly make him happy." 

I shake my head, "Mare, he would go to Montfort in a heartbeat to be with you. In six months he can convince Julian to come too, and-"

I trail off as I see a tear slide down her pink cheek.

"Eve you don't understand." She chokes out, "I can't ever give him what he wants." 

Her eyes shift down, refusing to meet mine. 

"I can't have children."

The words seem to make the room drop ten degrees. I put my hand on hers, squeezing it gently and looking at her until she meets my eyes.

"How do you know?" I ask, feeling my own eyes begin to moisten.

"Sara." she says, "last year, I-I thought I was pregnant. Turns out, whatever Maven did to me, that torture device.." she stifles a sob. "It took that away from me. She says there's nothing she can do. Th-that having a family of my own is so unlikely, I-I shouldn't even hope..." she can no longer speak her voice is shaking so badly.

And without even realizing I had moved I am enveloping her in my embrace. I smooth her hair, my own tears falling onto the top of her head. I take her hands and meet her eyes, pulling her in til our foreheads touch.

"Mare Molly Barrow" I say, trying my best to steady my shaking voice, "no matter what Maven took from you, that walking candelabra wouldn't care." 

That gets a small smile from her and I rejoice at my most minuscule victory. 

"He loves you Mare, of that I am sure, and I know that he loves you more than the idea of having biological children."

I take her chin in my hands,

"If it comes down to it, I'll be your surrogate."

She lets out a wry chuckle, her eyes crinkling.

"I'm serious" I say "in some strange alignment of the stars what's always meant to happen will happen"

She smiles at my sentiment, but I am not finished.

"And I will finally get to bone the matchstick himself"

And with that, she erupts into laughter, as do I. Tears flow from both our eyes as we hold each other in a tight embrace. I am laughing and crying, as is she. Finally after a good minute and a half she catches her breathe and pulls out of the hug.

"You know I'm pretty sure that's not how surrogacy works these days." She laughs "Especially with fancy shmancy Silver tech."

I raise my eyebrows, "Fancy shmancy. Really Barrow?"

She shrugs, still smiling, "You got the point"

I did get the point. And I squeeze her hand as I get up.

"Come on Barrow, let's eat before his royal flashlight shows up."

She snorts at the title but nods, watching me retake my seat and help myself to the chicken and rolls from the center of the table. 

"Please Eve, could you, stay until he gets here?" she asks, her words coming softly, barely audibly across the table.

I nod without hesitation. 

"Of course, Mare." 

I shoot her a smile and then take a bite of the roll in my hand, letting everything that has just happened marinate in my head. Suddenly my own anxiety seems so far fetched when such a real issue is at hand. I feel awful I hadn't been there for her before.