Secrets | Jenzie

- 26 - | Discoveries + Anxieties

- M A C K E N Z I E -

*a few days later*

Over the last couple of days I've been hearing voices in my head. Yeah I sound crazy I know. They keep saying thinks like -
'You're an idiot for being scared of John'
'He's gonna hate you if he finds out'
'You're really upsetting him, you know'
'You're a bitch for doing this to john'
'You don't deserve him'
'He deserves better than you'
'I don't understand why he likes you'
'Well liked you, he probably doesn't anymore'
'You lost the love of your life, you slut'
'Your so fucking stupid'
They tell me I'm pathetic when I cry and I need to get a grip -
'You're pathetic'
'Get a grip'
The thing that made my mum book me an appointment with the doctor was the last one.

*flashback*

Over the past days I've developed anorexia too. Yeah I know. I throw up anything I eat, when I eat. As I carried on messing with my food the voices started again.
'You're so fat'
'You shouldn't eat anymore'
'You've already eaten enough'
'Dad and Dale, would be so disappointed in you, you're a failure'
And that one made me argue back.
"They wouldn't be disappointed in me, I'm fine, They love me, you don't know anything." I scream out loud in frustration, on the verge of tears. Everyone's eyes landed on me.

"What's wrong, honey?" My mum asks looking concerned.

"They told me Dad and Dale would be disappointed in me." I silently whimper.

"Who did, darling?" Mer asks.

"The voices." I say, through sobs.

"Voices?" John says anxiously, Maddie, Darian and Lauren look like they could cry.

"Yeah, the ones in my head." I say in a whisper, they only just about heard.

"Sweetie, I'll book you an appointment, for as soon as possible at the hospital." My mum says frantically running to the phone. She calls them.

"12:15 on Wednesday." She says to me.

*End of flashback*

It's Wednesday. 12:00 exactly. 15 minutes until my appointment.

"Come on, Kenzie. We've got to go." Mum shouts from downstairs. I brush my hair one last time and run down the stairs we all get in the car. Yes, all. Everyone decided that were coming with us. The car ride was in complete silence. And I was worried about going into the hospital where there were loads of people about. We were at the reception by 12:13. We went and sat in the waiting room until the doctor called my name. At 12:15, he walked out of his office and called my name. Mackenzie Ziegler. We all walked over to his room and followed him inside. I sat down on the seat by his desk and everyone else stood behind me.

"Hello, again Mackenzie, why are you hear today?" He says in a friendly tone.

"Well, um, I have these voices in my head that like erm criticise me saying things like 'you're fat' 'you're pathetic' and stuff like that." I explain.

"I'm really sorry to say mackenzie but you have a psychological disorder called schizophrenia." He says.

"Oh." I say.

"Wait how do you know that without running any tests." Mum asks.

"When she first came in after the accident and I ran the tests, there was only a 2% chance of her getting it." He says.

"Oh." My mum replies.

"Is there anyway to cure it?" Mer asks.

"There is currently no known cure for schizophrenia at the moment but there are many ways to keep it down, such as; relaxation, I've had patients find that when they are relaxed the voices aren't there or after doing something that relaxes you, they go away, for a while. The voices appear mainly when you are stressed. So if you can find a way to relax that would help massively with it." He explains.

"Oh, okay." I say. Feeling a little relieved.

"Thank you." My mum says, as we all exit the room. We all get back in the car and drive back home. I try as hard as possible to hold back the tears.

[694 words]

Short chapter!