lost // bellarke

{ thirteen }

3 weeks later.

"I've been thinking.." Bellamy started as Clarke and Octavia prepared the breakfast.

"That's news." Octavia joked and Bellamy rolled his eyes.

"First, Clarke, your parents could come to lunch again. The other lunch wasn't that bad." Bellamy smiled a little and Clarke shrugged.

"I'll see what I can do." She mumbled, obviously not totally happy to invite her mother, again.

"Second, I don't think we should buy the house." Bellamy said and Clarke took a deep breath before putting the cups down.

"Here we go again." Clarke said, looking at Bellamy.

"It's too expensive! Couldn't we buy another one? Or just keep paying income?" He said.

"Bellamy, money isn't a problem for us anymore." Octavia said calm.

"Exactly!" Clarke stated, looking at Bellamy.

"Clarke you always had money! You're a goddamn doctor. We never had that much money. We couldn't just go around and buy a car because we felt like we wanted to." Bellamy said harsh without realizing what he was saying.

He didn't meant that.

"First of all." Clarke said, obviously hurt with his words. "I'm sorry if it bothers you wanting to settle down on a house that all of us shared great memories on it. Second of all, my car was cheaper than your clothes. I bought one along with Jasper. His cousin sold us a car in second hand for 300$ each. And by the way, I've lost my career, Bellamy." She looked at him and Octavia sighed low. "You have no right to talk like I'm a spoiled rich girl, just because I wanted to buy a house for us."

"Clarke, I'm—"

"Save it, Bellamy." She said, finishing the eggs.

"I just don't get why are you so pressed to make new plans, spend money, buy a house and all of that with the money they left us. It's like you're forgetting that my mother and Jasper died. If they didn't, we would have no house at all." Bellamy said.

"Bellamy." Octavia said, trying to stop him.

"I love you, Clarke but how can you just be so relaxed using the money and forgetting they are dead?" Bellamy elevated his voice and Clarke snapped.

"I am not relaxed!" She screamed. "You know why I'm so worried with creating new memories? Because If I stop doing whatever I'm doing I'm going to realize that my best friend is dead and so is my daughter and that Aurora is also dead! I'm sorry if I don't stay in my bed all day, mourning my beloved ones who died. I'm sorry, Bellamy." Clarke said, putting the plates down, cleaning her tears. "I'm sorry if I wanted a house so you and I could be happy for once. I'm sorry for wanting Octavia to live with us because she's your sister and my best friend and she also deserves happiness!" Clarke breath out the words and before she realized she was already crying.

And so was Bellamy and Octavia.

"I'm so sorry." Bellamy said low and Clarke cleaned her hands.

"Just—Don't." She said low, grabbing an Apple and walking towards her room.

"Bell" Octavia whispered, closing her eyes.

"How could I think she was fine, O? How could I not notice? She always kept sadness to herself. Why can't she trust me?" Bellamy asked, feeling his voice cracking down as Octavia hugged him.

"Oh, Bell. She does but you know Clarke. She bears it so we don't have to." Octavia said low.