Matchmakers Magic | ✓

32 | god, you are so modest

32 | god, you are so modest

ROHIT AND I sit side by side on a Monday night. “We’re okay, right Ann?”

“Duh.” I give him a flat look, “if we weren’t, you wouldn't be here ‘cause I would have kicked your sorry ass out long ago.”

“I wouldn’t put it past you.” Rohit shakes his head at me. A small smile crawls it way up to my face but it fades off quickly after I remember what I am going to tell him.  

But before I can delve into it, Rohit starts apologizing, “I know I have been a her face about the whole situation with Nat and I am sorry about that Ann.”

“You don’t need to apologize Rohit. I get why you did that even though I don’t entirely agree with your reasons.”

“No, I actually need to. I’m sorry Ann, I really am.”

“Ru, it’s fine, okay? We are okay and you are okay. That’s all that matters.” Rohit is about to open his mouth to interrupt me but I beat him to it, “now before you go on and interrupt me, we need to talk.”

“I don’t like the sound of that.”

Yeah, pretty sure you won’t like what I have got to say either, I think silently.

I take a deep breath and prepare myself. I have been giving myself ‘pep talks’ to ready myself up to tell him. I had chickened out many times and had delayed all of it. But he needs to know. The thing with telling him is up until this moment I have been trying to convince myself that this all part of a dream, the bad part and dark part of a dream but I know if I say it aloud, I can’t fool myself into thinking it’s not true. Once the words are out of my mouth, everything will get real and ten times worse. I’m not sure I can cope with it.

I had told Gauri already but it didn’t feel real because she doesn’t know Dadi like Rohit does. She isn’t attached to her like Rohit is. When I tell him, there’s going to be an overwhelming amount of emotions that will make all of this real and I fucking don’t want to.

But I know if I keep delaying this, Rohit is bound to eventually find out. And once he does, he’ll be mad at me. I can’t afford that.

I send a silent prayer to God, praying that I will be strong enough for both Rohit and I.

I can already feel my stomach twisting in knots and I feel like throwing up right now. Why the hell did maasi not tell both of us at the same time? My palms feel clammy and I wipe them on my jeans. The action doesn’t go unnoticed by Rohit and he looks worried now.

“Dadi is leaving.”

“She’s going on her char dham yatra again? Please tell me no because she isn’t strong enough at the moment.”

“It’s not that. This is different,” I say, my bottom lip quivering. “She’s leaving forever, Ru and she isn’t coming back.”

“What…?” Rohit looks beyond confused.

“She’ll never come back again,” I whisper and break down in tears. For a few moments, Rohit stares at me with a blank face, not bothering to hold me or wipe my tears.

“You’re kidding,” Rohit says, shaking his head vigorously. “I don’t believe you, Ann.” He gets up and paces, running his hand through his hair.

“I’m not,” Tears burn my eyes and cheeks as I answer him in a mere whisper. I dig my fingernails into my skin, chanting only one thing to myself: stay strong.