aggression | luke hemmings

Chapter Forty Seven

Becca's POV

It's true, I am happy. But I know it's just for now, because those pills will run out someday and what if I cannot afford any more? I guess that means more scars for me. Shudder.

Sure, I'm happy, but I'm confused as well. I mean really, depression? What am I depressed about? I had an unforgivable past but still. I had that bad of a past and I had Luke, who made everything horrible disappear, so why I am depressed, I don't know. The doctors tried explaining. Lily tried explaining. Hell, I tried explaining. But I'm still a tad bit confused.

Luke, Ash, Mike, Cal, Kris, and Julie stay for the given visiting hours. When they leave, the doctor brings me a tray of food, consisting of the same boring food. The bread on the sandwich smells horribly like rubbing alcohol so I don't even bother eating it.

When I swallow the vitamins in the small cup next to my empty carton of milk, I put the tray on the floor and pick my phone up off the side table because I'm lonely and I feel like scrolling through Tumblr.

Which made matters worse. I forgot, I followed a bunch of users who are also depressed, who post pictures and gifs and videos and whatnot of sad quotes and songs.

Expectations ruin everything.

"I do care... And it does hurt me."- Cher Lloyd

People always act like this-As if the only scars,Were the ones you saw bleed.As if the only battles,Were the ones you fought on the field.As if what cannot be seen,Are not the things that really matter.

Not all scars show, not all wounds heal.Sometimes you can't see the pain others feel.

I turn off my phone before I try something, but there are already tears in the corners of my eyes. I take deep breaths and dab my eyes dry, then I offer myself a sweet smile and put my phone on the table.

I lay down and stare up at the ceiling. My eyes droop eventually and I fall asleep. It's only around 4 but I need a nap.

I wake up at 9, great. 5 hours? Man, I really was tired. Just guess I'm having and all-nighter at the hospital tonight unless I fall asleep otherwise. Lily walks in just then.

"Hi," I say. I hold my arms out so she can check the cuts, which she does. "I had a 5 hour nap, I don't think I'm gonna be able to sleep tonight."

"That's okay, just make sure you sleep tomorrow, alright?" She says. I nod and pick my phone up again.

"If I play music, will it wake up other patients? I don't have my headphones with me," I say.

"Oh, here," Lily says and fishes some earbuds out of one of her pockets. I smile and grab them, waving to Lily as she leaves the room. I turn on the song Sirens by Cher Lloyd and put it on repeat, because this is the best song. Like, ever.

Well, that was a sleepless night. Very not-boring indeed, because music is my best friend.

(Who else thought of One Hundred Sleepless Nights by Pierce The Veil??)

I have the whole morning to myself except for the nurse coming in to give me breakfast. Since its a Sunday (weird rule follows) there aren't any visiting hours so I am lonely. The doctor and nurses lobbed in a few times, yeah, but they don't stick around to talk and Lily doesn't have work today.

I must admit, I like the alone time. It's silent in the room, except when I turn on music, and I stay laying down for the most of it. Occasionally I stand up to use the bathroom (they hung a blanket over the mirror), you know. The usual.