aggression | luke hemmings

Chapter Sixty Two

DOUBLE UPDATE AHA YOU CAN THANK ME LATER.

ONLY KIDDING Y'ALL.

Becca's POV

I am really upset, now, because Luke is being forced to go to work. Peter is sound asleep and most likely will not wake up for another few hours. Kristen is working at Ulta the whole day. I don't speak to Lily much anymore, I don't want to disturb Ashton while he recovers from his sudden break up, and all the other guys are busy. I am bored and all alone. I just woke up half an hour ago, and it is 10:00.

I slide down against the wall in the living room, hugging my knees. It's the first time in a couple days that Luke isn't here. I have to respect that he admires his job though and has to continue working when he is supposed to. Fleur is still upset about her son being missing, so I've heard, although he is perfectly unharmed and safe at her home now. Anyway I feel tears building up in the corners of my eyes and my body shakes lightly. I miss him already even though he left when I woke up. He has never left my side since my outbreak; "Then why'd you let something happen to me?". Now I feel like a humongous piece of me chipped off and is floating away, because he's not here. I really am pathetic, though, because it's only been about half an hour since he left and I am a crying mess because I miss him like mad. I wonder if these same thoughts are simmering in the back of his mind, also? No, who am I kidding? Luke is not a pathetic bitch who needs the love of his life to shower him in hugs, kisses, and compliments every time he turns around. I am. He doesn't miss me at all, he is just glad to finally escape the terror I no doubt put him through; With my cruddy issues and hate for myself, I practically force him to stay at my side 24/7. I never even got an "I love you" from him this morning. God, I really screwed up this time.

I clutch my head as I hear the repetitive sound of my heart racing loudly. Ugh, why do I always break down like this?

Luke doesn't love me. He puts on this huge act just so I don't break down but too bad for him. Tears dampen my cheeks as I suck in a few deep breaths through my teeth, biting down hard on my lip so it is sure to bleed later. I squeeze my eyes shut and pray that these terrible thoughts all vanish.

"No," I say to myself sternly, or at least I try to say it sternly but my voice cracks. I duck my head down so the only view I have is the creamy carpet beneath me. All I see is black shadows swirling on the ground, turning blood red occasionally and spelling out harsh words: hate, ugly, and stupid, to name a few.

We all hate you. No wonder Luke left without a single "I love you." It would have been a lie for him to say that, you know. He does not love you. All those times he told you, his eyes flickered away from yours and showed you that he was speaking a lie. He went with you to the doctor in serious hope that you had bulimia nervosa or anorexia nervosa. Either one would've satisfied him. He is probably out getting drunk because he is pissed, knowing that you didn't get results of an eating disorder but you did get the treatment for one. Hoping it'll backfire.

Now, for all of your friends. They'd all tell you the whole "we're here for you," shit just to make you feel better about yourself, because they know you're intracranially suffering depression and hate and whatnot. I'd bet your britches that they don't even care about you, but you're so lonely and pathetic that they have no choice but to fake laugh at your jokes and mentally criticize your style.

As for your own son, he hates you as far as he can. You are the one and only woman who caused him to be deaf, so he cries all the time. What a crybaby. He likes it better at Liz and Andrew's house, where he doesn't have to watch as you smile down at him just because you want to. He doesn't feel the same about you. Doesn't even love you as a son should his own mother; You are the cause of him struggling his entire life until sign language is the best choice. But nobody will understand what he's trying to say, so you're just the imperfect slut who caused him to be the deaf baby he is today.