I Talk Too Much

Hello yes I'm hella gay again

rrrrrambling 

So anyway I'm still being a TA for Jr. High math and an intern for the tech program at my old elementary school, I've mentioned this a couple times

But now this year there's another girl who's interning with me, we're working on a project together with a couple of the 8th graders

I already knew her before this, she was in the grade ahead of me and we were generally nice to each other even if we weren't actually friends

(That was my relationship with most of that class tho tbh lol)

But now

Well shit

I do believe I'm developing a crush on her

Because she's super cute and has an adorable laugh and project-wise we work really well together,,

and like I said we don't know each other super well so she's not aware of my intense bizarre side.

Hhnnnnn

I haven't had a crush on a real person in like three years the fuck-

HHNNNNN

Luckily I am your resident expert on being-normal-despite-emotions, so I mean it when I say this will be fine. Seriously, it's not even funny how composed I can act when there's something up

Long story short I'm just super gay and I need to vent about the simple fact that shit I think really like this girl

Ignore me

Also for some reason I was thinking along the 'what if I was a guy' lines earlier (on some deep level I feel genderfluid sometimes and today is one of those days)

But anyway I realized the genderbent version of my persona is such a paradox

Because he would act fairly gay, but he'd probably be mostly straight

Because on one hand, I like girls

But on the other hand...

...I like girls

So

Would genderbent Rush like girls (same as me), or be pretty damn gay (same as me)??

jfc I didn't need that mindfuck today lol

Anyway

Life is just as always fun

I was also feeling low-key suicidal this weekend and I'm not sure why

Not even like super depressed, just the whole 'it would be so easy to die, you don't need to be dealing with this, let's just go and run through every possible way to die and all the possible outcomes while we're at it' thing

But whatever

I'll be fine

Probably

Peace, love, and fake smiles, 

~Rush