I Talk Too Much

very important news (california's burning and i'm terrified)

Hey everyone.

First off, thank you all so much for the sweet birthday wishes and gifts. My birthday was honestly thoroughly depressing, but you all lifted my spirits a bit.

Seriously, thank you. I needed a reminder that I'm wanted in the world, and you provided. Seeing all your wonderful messages helped me a lot, even if it was just a simple 'happy birthday rush'.

Growing up is unbelievably terrifying to me. My chronophobia (fear of the future) is really intense, and I spent most of last night crying because I'm just so scared and so unsure and I don't know what to do.

I'll get used to it, I just need some time.

But that's not even my biggest worry right now.

Northern California is currently on fire. The blaze started on Monday and freaking exploded, between the heat and the unpredictable winds. The air is mostly smoke, and the whole sky is yellow-grey and orange from the smoke and flames.

The flames are currently about 10 miles from my house, and with the wind and the rate it's going, we may have to evacuate in a matter of days.

I've lived here all my life, and it feels like everything's falling apart. First, I've only got one year left of being a kid, and now I'm at risk of losing my home.

I'm so scared and worried. The fire is 5% contained, and it's already burned more than 80 thousand acres. Places I've known for most of my life are being destroyed, and I'm terrified I'm going to lose everything I care about.

I don't know if I'm going to be okay, mentally. My parents are being very calm about the fire, we have a place to go if evacuation ends up becoming mandatory and safe places to send our animals, but it's all just too much for me.

Birthdays have always stressed me out, and with the fire getting closer by the hour, I'm not exaggerating when I say I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown.

So I don't really think I need to say that I may not post anything for a while, and if I do, it's gonna be freaking out and emotional shit, not my usual content.

I'm gonna try to work on Forgotten Demons a bit more. Writing helps me vent stress, and I don't have the motivation or creativity to draw. I might still work on a few little art projects to distract myself, but like with everything else, I'm not sure. If we end up evacuating our house, the place we're going will have internet, but other than that I don't know how active I'll be.

I'm not looking for sympathy or pity or prayers, I just want you all to know what's going on. I'm doing my best to stay strong (as stupid as that sounds), but holy shit is it hard.

Stay safe, everyone. 

~Rush