Love sweet like sugar- lxreader

Cutter! L x reader

⚠️TW//: This one shot contains Self harm. If you are sensitive to this topic or are easily triggered please skip to the next one.⚠️

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L never felt good enough...
He always felt empty..
He felt there like he was just nothing...
He felt he didn't matter...
He felt stress and people forget that's he's just a person...
He wondered if he even was worth living...
..He felt so much pain but never wanted to tell anyone or ask for help
He felt he would just be a bother but everyone reaches a breaking point

And L somedays a can't handle everything building up so what does he do to relive that pain that's building up from the inside...

...He cuts himself...

He wears his oversized white long sleeve to hide the scars and cuts so no one will notice

He hides in his room so he he cry and relieve the pain by dragging a small razor blade across his arms letting the blood slowly drip from his cuts

He knew he shouldn't be doing this but he couldn't help it

He just wanted all the pain that's building up inside him and the monster that was causing all this pain to just go away

But this was all he could do

Hurt himself even more and just pray he'll fade away some day

But that was gonna change today

He sat in his chair looking through the paper but only for the thoughts and voices come back

The thoughts that made him think he wasn't worth living or breaking him down or the voices telling him that he was nothing and there was no point of his existence just was eating him up slowly

L got up and slowly walked up to his room

Meanwhile you were worried about L
You knew L for a while now and even though he just seemed antisocial or just like to be alone you knew something was wrong and there was something bothering him

L developed a routine

At 4-6 he'll go up to his room and won't return for a while

You really began to worry when his face would come back a bit red or puffy or if he the tiniest bit of red dots on his shirt

So today you went up to his room to follow him

You went up and knock on the door

No answer

You opened the door and you were lucky it was unlocked

You heard soft sobs coming from the bathroom you walked in only to find what you prayed you wouldn't find

You wished it was just L being okay
You wished it was just him being him
You wish it's was fine but it wasn't

You saw L sitting there his head in his hands and knees with a razor blade between his fingers with blood slowly dripping down his arm with the sounds of him sobbing into his knees

The sight of him in so much pain tore you apart

"L?"

He flinched at the sound of your voice echoing through out his bathroom

"Y/n?" He said softly not even looking up

Tears welding up in your eyes as you quickly ran down to him hugging him but making sure you didn't hurt him or touch his wounds

Your heard him began to cry even move as you held his head close to you along with your tears slowly dripping down landing on his fluffy dark hair

"L please stop don't do this I don't want to see you cut yourself" you said holding him tightly

He cried even more

You pulled away and grabbed first aid kit from one of the drawers and carefully and gently bandaging up his cuts

Every scar and cut on his arms made you want to cry and hold L as tight as you could and keep him in your arms

After finishing up with the bandaging up his arm you both were silent until you let out a deep yet shaky sigh before looking up at him

"Why are you doing this to yourself?" You asked crying

He just sat there with tears rolling down his softy pale but slightly red cheeks

"Can you please tell me why" you said  unexpectedly louder than you wanted it to be which caused L to flinch

"I..I just want everything to go away" -his voice cracking-"Why do I even matter y/n!" He said slightly shouting at you his eyes full of tears that slowly slipped from his dark eyes

"There's always so much pain theirs voices telling me I'm not worth it and I should just die and my head gets flood with horrible thoughts why can't that all go away! WHY CANT I JUST GO AWAY AND DISAPPEAR! WHY! PLEASE TELL ME WHY!" He basically yelled gripping onto his hair as he could breath and continue to sob

You didn't not what to say
Just seeing L instead of monotone emotionless sugar addict L he was a sobbing mess not never able to keep his breathing in control

"L you mean so much to me and you do matter to me and to watari and your successors and you solved so many case more than just person can do your incredible L please don't doubt yourself your a beautiful human being and I don't want to see your cute little nose or big round eyes getting red or tears staining your cute cheeks and rolling off your beautiful and sharp jawline" you said trying to calm him down

"L I love you I really do I don't want you to be hurting your self or even cutting yourself. You are amazing please stop thinking things that aren't true and please stop hurting yourself" you said wiping away his tears and cupping his face in your hands

He could just barely keep his breathing under control but he stop stopped sobbing as hard

You brought him into a hug as you felt him hug you back tightly

"I'm sorry y/n" he said trying not to choke on his own words

"Don't be your okay now alright I think you should have some time off and lets just talk okay" you said rubbing his back

"O-okay" he said

You grabbed a cold wet towel cleaning up his face and getting him a new shirt and jeans that weren't stained with his blood

You brought him on his bed and laid down right next to him stroking his hair while he let everything that was building up

You were upset knowing that L was hurting this much over the years and you never knew

The rest of the day you stayed with L comforting him and letting him know that you were there for him

"Thank you y/n"

"Anytime I love you L and I
don't want to see you like this anymore okay I'll be here for you"

"Okay...I-i love you too"

You just smiled a bit and fell asleep with L who had passed out