My hope

The voices, they're back

A week had passed after the abortion and i had found myself trying to avoid j hope at all costs, I didn't even understand why i was avoiding him i just was.
I came home that evening my grandparents where out.
"Hi mom I'm home" i called as i entered the house, there was no answer. "Hmph I'm sure he said she'd be home?" I said to myself confused. I walked upstairs and swung open my bedroom door only to see my mom sitting silently on my bed with something clutched tightly in her hands. "Mom? Are you alright?" I walked slowly over to her,
"How could you do this to me? I've talked to you so many times about how hard it was for me, so why on earth would you let it happen to you?"
"What are you talking about?" i asked confused. She didn't say anything and. Just held up what she was holding.
My pills.
The ones the doctor gave me to get rid of the baby.
"Oh, I'm sorry" i said instantly dropping to my knees,
"I talked to you so often about what it was like for me being a teen mom and then how i was considering an abortion, and your dad convinced me not to." She was crying by this point. "I would've been disappointed to find out about the pregnancy but, you getting an abortion, that's really disappointed me." And with that she walked out of the room. Even though i loved to pick arguments with my mom, those where just meaningless rows, i hated thinking about her being disappointed in me.
I could feel it creeping over me, like a shadow. I suddenly felt trapped. My depression, it was back. I was diagnosed with clinical depression back in england when i was 12 but over the past few years i had kept it under control. I had even been able to stop taking my meds. I knew it wasn't really gone, it would never really be gone. Without thinking i ran out of the house, trying to get the voices out of my head
"You're useless, your mom hates you and so does everyone else."
"No one loves you"
"If you where to die no one would miss you"
I used to be good at ignoring the voices but this time it was different.
They were louder.
I couldn't shut them up.
I kept running.
I ran into town.
Without thinking i ran into a random apartment.