Tyrus: Love is Timeless

Chapter 11

Note: in this version Cyrus mom knows he's gay already & accepts him. 

Cyrus POV

When I got home I was feeling desperate, " mom! " I yelled as I began sobbing again.

My mom rushed out of her office and pulled me into a hug. "Honey what's wrong? " she asked.

I sniffled and my heart broke. "I wasn't a good friend to tj - I expected the worst of him" I rambled. "Cyrus what are you talking about? " she asked me. I explained everything :  tj, the notes, him kissing amber and not giving tj a chance to explain. 

"Why are u upset over that?" She asked me to continue explaining. " I didnt let tj explain, I hurt him, and to top it all off his mom didn't accept him being gay and now he's unconscious at the hospital" I paused heaved and the tears started again.

"Why is he in the hospital? "My mom asked as she rubbed the back of my neck. "He tried to take his own life" I sobbed out.

My mom hugged me again and she began to speak. " we never know how people will respond to negative events - and if its a negative response like in this case all we can do is offer support and a listening ear" she said. 

We hugged more and then it hit me my conscience was right - I should have let tj talk to me instead of shutting him out the 1st time. The pain I felt was immeasurable but then I stopped. I looked back and put myself in TJs shoes from the moment he got my muffin, our time at the swingset, and the way he took care of me after I passed out.

They were all happy moments and I couldn't believe where I was now. I thought about how Mrs Kippen didn't accept tj like my mom accepted me, his sadness when I didnt give him a chance to explain things, and then i made myself.

 I forced myself into tjs shoes - the pain he probably felt times a thousand, feeling rejected, heartbroken, and hopeless.

I looked at my mom who was still holding me, "can u write me a note to excuse me from school? " I asked her nicely. " of course honey"she whispered.

I wont lie - the fear of seeing tj in the hospital was building in me. I was so used to seeing tj as nice, sweet, strong but vulnerable? I had to face this - i needed to see tj.

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(Next day)

I woke up, got dressed, and went downstairs for breakfast. I texted laycee letting her know I was stopping by. She replied saying tj woke up and is breathing on his own.

I felt relieved and scared at this thought. As my mom drove I envisioned many ways this could play out. The one scenario I hoped for was walking in and seeing tj as he was asleep. 

I entered the hospital with my mom and we were headed towards the ICU. When we made it to his room number Amber got up and rushed to me.

She hugged me and whispered to me, "he's not himself. I didn't want you to feel strange in there" she told me.

I turned to my mom and she pushed me gently to go in and see tj. He had no roommate, he was lying towards the window and the blinds were shut, the only light came from the white fluorescent lightbulb from the bathroom; even that door was partially closed.

I made it to the chair and sat down as quietly as I could but it squeaked under me. I heard tj exhale and he turned facing the ceiling. 

Tjs POV

I knew Cyrus came in just by the scent of his cologne - I turned on my back. I stared at the ceiling knowing full well I couldn't look at him yet.

My chest felt heavy and empty at the same time. I hadn't spoken a word since I woke up -  I knew if I tried I'd start tearing up.

That isn't me - I'd start being the son my mom always wanted. If that meant denying myself of who I am or was then so be it. I heard him whisper  "tj I'm sorry" he told me. 

I took a sip of water, swallowing the pain with the liquid and spoke softly. "I don't want to speak with u yet; but I was referred to your mom so I don't want this to be awkward" I said.

Cyrus stood and looked at the red wrist band. "Can you go? " i whispered suppressing the pain I felt. I don't want the pain. I dont want sadness.  I don't even want to reach out and hold cyrus.

I numbed it all for the sake of living peacefully with my mom. "Is that what you want tj? " he asked me. The concern and sadness was in his voice so I couldn't bare to look at him. I shook my head yes and his hand was still on my arm.

He walked out slowly and I looked at his back, " you deserve better goodman" I thought as I erased the lingering sensation of his touch from my mind.

Cyrus POV

When I walked out of the room I looked at amber and I felt confused, "I don't know what happened- he couldn't even look at me" I  whispered to amber.  my mom hugged me but when I pulled away I saw laycee and her mom arguing as they came around the corner. I recognized their mom from pics. 

I overheard her, "you mean to tell me you refuse to let tj see a psychiatrist!? He Needs to! " she whispered yelled.

I looked at my mom and she saw the pleading look in my eyes. My mom walked over with quiet confidence and cleared her throat.

"Hi, I'm Leslie Goodman resident psychiatrist in Shadyside. I wanted to give you my card when tj is ready for an appointment " and she walked away.

Tjs mom followed behind, "I am not allowing my son to see a shrink" she said trailing behind my mom. "The decision is not yours its tjs"& she reached in her purse as tjs mom walked off and handed her card to laycee.

"Thankyou" laycee mouthed to my mom and I. I smiled and I hugged my mom. If I can't help with tj knowing I'll try behind the scenes without him knowing.

Tj is not himself and I felt it in that room. I was going to help tj no matter what. My guilt rose - "I know concious I should've listened the first time" i thought. I was annoyed and angry with myself. I hugged amber and left with my mom giving tj the space he asked for.