The Phoenix and His Basilisk (Completed)

Mandarin Oranges for Determination

Y'know when I said that I was getting to the real story?
Yeah.
I lied.
I realized that we haven't had a lot of time on the training of Harry and his friends. You don't get to see a lot of Eveline teaching them.
So, I decided to make this.
It's just kind of like a filler.
Enjoy.
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Eveline was wearing a white wig, and she had the clothes of that one human scientist called 'Isaiah Newt-work' or something.

She had a serious face, even with a big, red rubber nose on her face.

"May I have your attention, please?" She said.

"YOU CAN HAVE MY FIST IN YOUR FACE, I'm sorry, Eveline, go on," Harry said. At first, he screamed it before he said it calmly.

(A/n: if you understood these references, I will be your best friend 😂😂😂)

Eveline didn't even blink.

Luna suddenly crashed through the wall, as she rode a unicorn. Her armor was thick and silver, making her seem manly in a strange way.

"My lady, I have come for you!" She said heroically, shoving a sword in the air.

Tom floated in the air, pale and see-through, muttering to himself.

"Every time I try to kill him, it never works," he said in near tears.

Hagrid, one of the staff in Hogwarts, suddenly started to sing about rubbing meat and mayonnaise in people's hair.

Dumbledore was naked, (a horrifying image), in a cake, singing a song terribly as he waved his arms like a maniac.

Luna made a battle cry, and she ran towards Dumbledore, trampling him under her steed's sparkling hooves.

Harry ignored all of the chaos, and went to the kitchens, where he took a box of pizza, ran it under the sink and finally putting it in the oven as he baked the thing, box and all.

Then, he shrunk to three inches, and took off his clothes.

He started to bath in the cheesy sink water, and out-of-the-blue, Tom appeared, his face peeking from the water.

Harry didn't even react.

"Hello, Mother of Awesomeness and Supreme Lady of the Snakes."

Tom nodded solemnly.

"Hello to myself too. I'm hungry for something long, thick and hard. Especially something cherry flavored."

Harry nodded, and then whipped out a popsicle the size of a couch. Tom smiled, and then swallowed the thing whole, his mouth bulging with the size.

That was when Harry woke up.

He clutched his pounding heart, feeling the sweat sticking his hair to his forehead.

His eyes were wide with horror, and he looked like he had seen the terrors of the world.

"What. The. Everlasting. Fuck."

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Harry groaned. He slumped onto the ground as he arrived in the clearing.

Tom slithered our of his cave, before he squeaked, collapsing to the ground.

Surprisingly, after the incident, it wasn't as awkward as it seemed.

If anything, it made their bond stronger.

Harry was incredibly thankful for that, and he turned to stare at Tom's early morning beauty.