[AustinCarlile] Live Forever

[AustinCarlile] Live Forever [ChapterThirteen]

“So, what is it that you told Josh was so important to talk to me about that you had to steal me away?” Glancing at him from the corner of my eye, I bring the bottle of beer up to my lips, drinking the rest of it, the small amount of whatever was left of the tepid alcohol, kicking the small pebble at the tip of my flip flop. My body was covered in a sweatshirt and jeans, no skin left exposed, something that I didn’t plan on doing, but it was cold this late at night, I didn’t even realize that it was stopping him from lusting after me, there was nothing to look at, though there usually isn’t anything to look at.

Shrugging his shoulders, he fights a smile that was tugging at the corners of his lips, almost as if he knows that I wasn’t going to smile back, though I wanted to see his smile, it was the best smile I’ve ever seen. “I don’t know. I feel like we’ve spent time together but we still don’t know each other.” His voice is soft, quiet, like he doesn’t want people to hear what we’re talking about, that he wants it to be just the two of us and no one else. He takes a sip of his beer, walking slowly with me following a short distance behind him, trying to keep up with his long strides. “Is that okay with you?”

Now that he wants to get to know me, I can’t stop the happy feelings from flooding throughout my veins, I can’t stop the little bit of hope that was filling in my mind, telling me that I have a chance. I don’t want to feel like this, like I have a chance with him, because he’s the closest thing to perfection that I’ve ever known, and being rejected by him in the end would be horribly depressing. “I guess.” Shrugging my shoulders, I catch up with his stride, walking beside him, wondering where we’re going, knowing that I probably should have told the guys or at least Blaze, but she looked content talking to Alan, facing him and standing so close to him that their shoulders were touching. I want him to hold my hand in his, to intertwine our fingers, I miss it.

“Uh, how long have you known the guys in your band?” It’s obvious that he doesn’t know what to say, that he didn’t really think this through, that I really shouldn’t have let Josh say yes to allowing me to go with Austin. He’s trying, and that’s sweet, but I'm not in the mood to try, I'm not in the mood to put myself out there and only have it hit me right back in the face. And I'm so confused because I want him, I really do, and not sexually, I want to be able to call him mine, but I don’t because he carries so much baggage and I'm not ready for any one it – and I'm not talking about his divorce or his heart condition and his loss, but his fans, and this idea that people have in their heads about him, I’ll never live up to how wonderful he is and I'm not ready to be compared to someone as magical as him.

Chewing on the inside of my lower lip, I slide the bottle of beer down in my hand slowly, grasping onto the top of it now, letting it swing with my arm as I walk. “I knew Nate since I was really young. He’s my brother’s best friend.” I realize what I said when I said it, that I told him more than I wanted to, more than I’ve told anyone since after his accident, but I know that I have to continue talking to stop him from picking up on it, from questioning me any further. “I met Liam and TJ in school. We all had study hall together freshman year. And Anthony was a friend of Nate’s since middle school, so I guess I knew him since middle school.”

Nodding his head, he swings his arms out to the side, hooking his pinky finger with mine, such a small gesture but my cheeks are burning; I’ve never been so happy to be walking around at night. “Have you ever thought what it would be like if you were in a band with completely different people? Like, have you ever thought what it would be like if you weren’t in a band with Nate, Liam, TJ, and Anthony?”