[AustinCarlile] Live Forever

[AustinCarlile] Live Forever [ChapterThirtyFour]

“You do know that I wouldn’t have left you because of what happened to your brother, right?” His question catches me off guard, and I drop my hand down onto my side, taking a small step away from the door of the bus, and shrug my shoulders, not knowing what else to say. The ride home wasn’t quiet, we talked the entire time, about the accident, about the two months when he was in a coma, but never about the expenses, they're not his responsibility, there’s no need for him to know that we’re drowning and the only reason the band tours three hundred days out of the year is because of the money it brings in.

When they were done talking, about whatever it was they were talking about, Adam asked Austin if he wanted to play Wii, and both of their faces lit up – my brother’s because he had a friend, and Austin’s because this is a huge step in our relationship, in our friendship, for us in general. My brother told him that he couldn’t go easy on him, and Austin laughed and said he wouldn’t dream of it; I don’t think I’ve seen my brother so happy to play a game. I don’t know if he was happy because I finally got him to meet Austin or if he, too, thinks that I finally found someone worth my time.

But, I can’t stop thinking about what my mom told me when I woke her up, in the middle of one of their Wii tennis matches, after making Adam’s bed and folding the clothes that had just been cleaned. She didn’t even say hi to me or hug me, all she did was see Adam and Austin playing Wii, both of them getting so into it, so enthusiastic, and tilted her head to the side, chewing on her lower lip to stop a goofy smile from spreading out across her face, “If you don’t think that this means something then you're crazy. He saw your story and he stayed. He’s a keeper, Dev. I told you. If he says, he’s willing to take on the world with at your side.”

He raises an eyebrow, his expression one of pain, hurt, but I didn’t mean it like that, all I knew was from past experiences, when the one guy I took to meet him freaked out and left. “I, just, you, I don’t know how to say this without sounding insane.” Biting on his lower lip, he cocks his head to the side, crossing his arms over his chest as I let out a soft sigh, yet his eyes are silently encouraging me to tell him anyway.

“Everyone tells you their stories. You know their stories. But, you hear them. You don’t see their stories. I didn’t want to tell you my story. It’s this insane thought, that if I do you're suddenly involved like the guys are and I don’t want that. I don’t, I don’t like being his older sister, but I'm not looking for someone to become his older brother.

“Okay, and then you were seeing my story instead of hearing it and then I convinced myself that I should have just told you because it isn’t as overwhelming. I don’t know, Austin. See, none of this sounds sane. And that’s what the accident did. I lost a huge part of my sanity, and I didn’t want you to know all these bad things. I wanted you to see the good things.

“Not the girl who was left by her father. Fuck, Austin, I helped him pack his bags. Not the girl who was bullied all throughout high school. Not the girl who pulled out her hair as her self-harm technique. Not the girl who has to take care of someone who can’t take care of himself. Not the girl who can’t spend money on herself. Because, I can. I have enough money to save and to be able to spend. But, no, the guys don’t care about that and suddenly I'm this girl who is so dependent on others. I'm not. I hate being dependent.”

Running a hand through my hair, I loll my head back, trying to stop the burning sensation in my eyes, I hate this, I hate what I just said, I hate how I just sounded, I hate how I just told him everything I didn’t want him to know. His hand cups my cheek, it’s warm, his touch sends shivers down my spine, and I look up at him, biting down on my lower lip as I inhale as much air as I possibly can through my nose, his gorgeous brown eyes locking onto mine. “Listen to me, Devon. I'm not going anywhere. You don’t sound insane. Everyone has insecurities and our minds fuck us over all the time.”

Shaking my head, I shrug my shoulders, the lump in my throat too large and painful to get any words out, so all I do is wrap my arms around his torso. Wrapping his arms around my shoulders, he pulls me into his body, resting his forehead on the top of my head, I'm so short. “Dev, I didn’t leave when I saw your story. You didn’t leave when you saw mine, right? What does that tell you?” His voice drips with hope, and I don’t know where he’s going with this, we’ve been together for a month, but I don’t care about the length of our relationship, because he’s right, we both stayed, and that’s huge.

“That we have a good relationship?” I don’t know what answer he’s looking for, but I'm assuming that’s the one he was hoping I’d say, or at least something along the lines of that, because he lifts his head from mine and lowers it down until our eyes flutter closed and he presses his lips against mine.

I gave this guy permission to tell my brother’s story. I don’t know how he’s going to tell it. But, suddenly, I realize that it’s not just my story.

It’s Nate’s story. It’s Liam’s story. It’s TJ’s story. It’s Anthony’s story. It’s Tatum’s story. It’s Blaze’s story. They're all helping; they’re watching what I spend so I can afford the best treatment.

And now, now it’s Austin’s story. Because, the meaning of being in a relationship with someone is that you work as a team. If anyone is going to tell my brother’s story, the band’s story, my story, his story, it’s going to be him.