[AustinCarlile] Live Forever

[AustinCarlile] Live Forever [Epilogue]

I can feel the anxiety running through my veins, I'm not sure what to do, I know what I have to do, I know that he’s going to do it with me, and I know that I'm only at an airport, that I shouldn’t be this anxious for something that’s not going to happen for at least another hour and a half, but I can’t help it. All of this is too much, I haven’t seen him in two weeks, and I have barely talked to my brother in fear of letting something slip about the money, which I wasn’t okay with to begin with, I hate everything about this, I don’t think that it’s right, I don’t think that he’s going to think it’s better with him there, I think he’s going to hate it either way.

Running a hand through my hair, I chew on my lower lip, so close to drawing blood, I know that, I can feel it, but I don’t know what else to do with my nerves, I can’t walk around, I hate the airport, they smell and there are too many people always walking around and not enough space for everyone to sit. We talked at least once a day, it was harder when he was down in Costa Rica, and then it was mostly through emails, because I wasn’t paying for long distance phone calls, that wasn’t going to happen.

The plane moves, comes up to the gate, he’s here, he’s finally here, and I really don’t know how I feel, because I can’t think of anything other than how I'm going to tell my brother, how I'm going to tell my mom, what they're going to say, how they're going to react, there are too many things left in the open, I need to know how things are going to happen. Tapping my foot against the floor in a steady, quick rhythm, recalling the look on Adam’s face when I told him that Austin and I are still together, I didn’t know why he asked once Warped ended, I'm not one for flings, but he did and when I told him that we were, he was beaming.

It makes no sense, really, as to what happened that made him so happy, although, I told him everything, all the things that Austin’s done for me, all the times he made my stomach flip, all the times he would stay up late with me and watch movies until I was feeling better. Adam knows best, I know that, he’s always known what was best for me, like not letting me hang out with his friends until I was in eighth grade, when he thought that I was mature enough to make my own decisions and not let their opinions sway mine.

By that time, I was mature enough, and I think that’s what led me into this depression throughout high school, that and I was never mature enough to make the right choices for a boyfriend, going through two in four years, which is a lot, a little over of year with the both of them, but thinking back at it, Adam never approved of them, he never gave me the verbal approval that he gave me with Austin. My mom, she’s happy, I don’t think I’ve seen her smile this much in a while, I don’t know why, maybe it’s because I'm happy, and in retrospect Adam is happy, too, and with the both of us happy she finally has time to make herself happy.

The gate opens, and I stand up, quickly, excited to see him, wanting to see him, we video chatted a lot, but it’s not the same, and I miss him, it’s hard going from seeing him every day and being able to hug him whenever I want to not seeing him in person for over two weeks. I see him walking into the airport from the gate, and I can’t help but let the goofy grin pull at the ends of my lips, and I giggle like a little girl, at nothing in particular.

He’s wearing his sunglasses, why I'm not sure, but he looks amazing, all the time, like he always does, and he’s wearing a Slipknot shirt, cut at the shoulders, one that he did himself. Our eyes meet, his chocolate brown eyes filling with adoration, just for me, I’ll never get used to that, and I cross my arms over my chest, smiling as his long legs make their way over to me. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I stand on the tips of my toes, chewing on my lower lip as he snakes his arms around my waist as he nuzzles his nose into the crook of my neck. “Shit, I missed you.”