VAS HAPPENIN. I KNOW YA'LL PROBABLY WANNA KILL ME (yes pls, i don't wanna stay here anymore :') I'm too tired :') I beg, pls and thank u) FOR BEING TOO DAMN SLOW. BUT HOLA
So what i'm supposed to try to write here is that. The reader was close friends with Hannah Baker, but they are one of the reasons why. they did something and later on regretted it, but it still didn't change anything so everyone saw her in a bad way. Even Clay, no matter how many times they tried to explain why she did it, and that she regretted. Hopes weren't fully gone though, there still was one person who believed her.
Long story short, Jeff didn't die so the reader is one of the 13 reasons why
This is like Hannah Baker x Reader and Jeff Atkins x Reader
Warnings: Really sad? Swearing. Maybe mentions of alcohol. reader is one of the reasons for someone's suicide
Overall, i have no idea what i'm doing. I just hope you enjoy
______________________________________________________________________
It was 4 in the morning. I sat on my bed and stared at the floor. Nothing. I felt nothing... She's dead because of me.. i killed her..
That was the only thing that went throuh my mind. Running around inside my head like crazy. I felt a tear drop down. Then an other one. You might wonder what happened. I'll tell you what happened.
I broke her. My own best friend. I broke her because i was afraid of what others would say. I lost my best friend. And it was all.. my.. fault...
You see, i never thought i'd understand the pain of realizing what you've lost and didn't hold onto, was the dearest, most special thing in your life, until you lose them forever... Because once you lose someone, really special, it feels like there's a hole in your heart. No matter what you do, how hard you try.. there's nothing you can do to fill that up again.
_______________________________________________________________________________
"Hannah... what's the matter?" I said looking from my book to face her, cause clearly something was wrong.
"What. What do you mean?" Of course good old Hannah would act like nothing is wrong. Still wasn't enough for me to believe her though.
"There's something clearly going on with you, my friend, and i will not move a muscle until you tell me. Nor will i let YOU move a muscle until you tell me what's wrong. Cmon you can't fool me"
"Jesus Y\N, seriously. You're ridiculous" She said rolling her eyes.
"Don't roll your eyes at me child" i said in a old fashioned way. Okay well at least try
We laughed hysterical and then we got hushed by the libarian. At least that's a way to remember that you are in a libary (Okay im gonna stop and go find myself a life)
What really was at that moment was a secret that she kept. For a long time. She told me about the secret relationship she had with Zach Dempsey that had been going for 3 months, and nowhere in hell did she want me to tell anyone. No one. Not even a soul. And even if that was a very big deal, i ruined it. I ruined our friendship. I ruined her.
____________________________________________________________________________
After the cheerleading, 3 girl came up to me to ask if i wanted to join them, as school mates. I didn't even know what their names was really, only one which was Diana. Only did i know, these girls was actually gonna trick me. And to ruin everything... I had no clue, so i said sure.
Other than Hannah i really had no friends. Jessica and Alex vanished outta the picture, so it was only the two of us now. Just the two of us.
I got ready and headed out to the adress they gave me. While walking there though, i had a uneasy feeling. At that time i just thought it was because i didn't know these girls, but really didn't saw it was a problem, so i brushed it aside. When i arrived there, they brought me to one of the girls' room.
Out of nowhere, the girl named Diana, went to her closet and pulled out a bottle which looked like alcohol. Which i was right about. I never was a drinker myself. Indeed, i never had one drop of alcohol in my life.
"Are you seriously gonna make us drink vodka right now? We have school tomorrow" One of the girls said.
"I don't complain."
"Well duh. You see all the cool people do it" Diana rolled her eyes, and started to open the bottle.
"I think Y\N should drink first" one of them quickly said.
"Oh no.. i- i'm not much of a drinker..." But something inside me wanted to. Always. To change. Just someone that is afraid to speak up, to show up. Just locking myself inside, alone. I wanted to change that.. i wanted to change myself from being no other but me.
Diana scoffed. "You're so boring. Cmon just one"
I swallowed the nervousness, and took the bottle. Without realizing, i was drinking more than i actually should. If i only knew what it would cost. If i was onlt gonna lose my best friend without even apologizing, and just letting her go, and just sitting her, all the damn time, thinking about the damn thing, over and over again. Thinking that damn night, everything was ruined and whatever i would do.. nothing would change.
I drank myself full enough, for the first time, and had no clue of any word i said. They trickde me by asking many questions. What i didn't know was, it was all a part of the plan. That they were recording everything. That they planned to not drink that much to forget. It was all a plan to get on Hannah. But can't you help it and wonder "What's the reason for them to put their nose into someone's business?"
That's what it takes to survive in that school. To do everything, even to break others. Everything to just survive. Whatever it took. To be scared of being yourself. Closing inside and just force yourself to be someone you're not. And after a while? You lose yourself. You don't know yourself or who you are anymore. All you know is that, you're scared. Scared to be yourself. That's what happened with me. That's how i messed everything up. I was a coward. I was running away from my own life instead of facing it. That's how i ended someone else's life...
Without realizing it, i exposed Hannah's secret with Zach, without knowing how much it was gonna change my life. And hers too...
________________________________________________________________________________
HOLAAAAAA. I JUST FINISHED THE WATCHING ANNE WITH AN E, SHAMELESS, ELITE AND I'M CURRENTLY WATCHING MONEY HEIST
And i know, this page is more of a Hannah Baker x reader thing, and it's supposed to be more of a Hannahxreader page. And if i don't change my mind, Jeff is gonna show up more in the ending. I KNOW. I KNOW. DON'T KILL ME, I'M INNOCENT
