Warnings: CRINGE. Fluff? My bad writing
Soulmate
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"Y\L\N?" A voice i know who belongs to. Famous, baseball player. One and only Jeff Atkins. "You okay?" he said while sitting next to me, his back facing the lockers too. I had no words to say, escpecally to Jeff Atkins, so i just sat there, next to him, my back facing the lockers too. It was a good among of silence nefore he started to speak. "I.." he opened his mouth, but strunggelig to say the right word. Like he was so ready but had no clue what for.
"You're not a bad person Y\N..." he finally spoken up. His voice was more turned down then when he first wanted to talk. "I know they say all these stuff about you and.. other people. But i know you're ot like that" he said placing his hand on top of mine, bit i didn't react. I didn't do anything. I took my hand away from his, not because i wanted to. Because i couldn't drag anyone else into my life. That shit doesn't work like that anymore.
"Whatever they say.. you're not a bad person" He started to speak again, that's when i said something. "How would you even know" i said, my voice so low i couldn't barely hear what i said myself, not breaking my look to thi one point that was on the other side of the corridor "Excuse me?" he said, wanting to hear more clear this time.
"How would you even know?"I said, standing up. "You're here talking to me like you've known me for a long time like i'm your fucking best friend. What do you even know about me Jeff?" my voice rasing as i felt the heat build up inside me. Not to him, but to myself.
"You don't know me Jeff Atkins. No one ever does!" i said attempting to walk away. not realizing he was standing on his feet too. When i tried to leave he grabbed my arm. "Then let me know you Y\N. Just tell me a clue, or anthing so i fucking know who you are" he said, his hand still on my arm. I looked down, not wanting him to see how weak i was. "Don't do this"
"I don't know when is the right time but right now.. i care too much to just leave you in a thought that isn't real. "Well..." i didn't want to ruin this moment, but i couldn't let him get to me. My life... even though i wanted to.
"I don't" i put a fake pride on me. "Come on y
.. don't do this" he knew it wasn't real"
"What do you even want to know? How fucked up i am? How my life is fucked up so i fucked up an other persons life? Because i was a coward? What the hell do you want from me Jeff. Yes i fucking killed her, try to prove me wrong as much as you want, but she's fucking gone Jeff! She's fucking gone, and I DID IT. IT WAS ME, and nothing is ever gonna change that. What do you want to know Jeff..." I was breaking. Like every part of me was breaking, and i just knew i wasn't strong enough. My tears were falling down my face now, and i couldn't do anything to stop them
"This me. This is fucking me, and it always has and always will. What the fuck did you even thought, That you words is gonna make it all better? Is it gonna be better? Tell me why it was 'so fucking better' that she isn't here right now with me."
He didn't say anything. Nothing at all.
"I always watched you y
. As weird as it sounds, i can see you really are a good person. Alright. Things happen. It wasn't your fautlt y
"
"Nothing... nothing is better" I started to sob uncontrollably. "Nothing is bettter and it never will be Jeff..." i said. I realized i hugged him, and now burried my face to his shoulder. "I don't know..." i tried to say 'how am i gonna go through this?' but i was hurting too much.
Just like you, he had no power to go up to you and just say hi. You two seemed like 2 different people with 2 different personalities, but yet between all this, both od your hearts were beating for each other. That's just how it is. Like seeing from so far away, but still would understand what went deep inside. No not what exactly what happened. But he knew that you weren't a bad person. He thought about you different. He thought you really were one special person to him.
"You don't need to say anything alright... i got you" he said hugging me tighter, putting his hand on the back of my head, and his arm around my waiste.
"They can say whatever they want to, but it won't change you as a person. Look, i don't know what you've been through, but i know, somehow, i know you as person, and that isn't gonna fucking change anything" he said burrying his face on my neck. "Hannah..." that's the only word i would ever get out.
"She's somewhere out there, and i know she probably understands. Don't push yourself so hard" he said still continuing holding me close. That's when i lost it.
"Jeff..." i said before smashing my lips against his. The fear was there. I didn't want to ruin people i truly care about's life anymore just because i wasn't sure of mine.
Once we both pulled away, we rested our foreheads into each others. "It's okay to tell the truth sometimes, you know" he said, still holding my face.
I just closed my eyes and leaned more into his touch and smiled.
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FINALLY AFTER 20 YEARS, I CAME UP WITH SOMETHING. Ya'll, this past month has been so freaking rough. Like. Very rough and it still doesn't seem to turn any better.
Also. Happy International women's day to all my girls out there. You'll slay in anyways.
Also i'm a die-hard Potterhead and Draco Malfoy owns me. Tom Felton is my dad too, and yes i might need help with it.
