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I woke up with a headache and hangover. So you can imagine what happened that morning, and if you think that's the worst, just wait till later on the day. The day i change. Become selfish, insecure, and someone else i thought i'd never be. All because i was a coward.
I arrived to school, only to see faces looking at me and groups talking and whispering things between them. Without knowing what was going on, i contuined to walk towards my locker. Immediatly right after i was done and closed my locker, someone was leaning into my locker with some few other students. Of course it was Diana, her friends and some other jocks I recognized but didn't know.
"So this is the Y\N you guys have been talking about?" One of the jock said. I wasn't sure if he was checking me out or just surprised that a quite person like me was even recognized. I foud it werid too, at the beggining only. Later i thought that it was the right answer, and was blinded by the company they actually gave me. Only if i knew it coasted her life, i would never have sat one step into what happened.
The rest of the day was just me hanging out with people i thought i'd never hang out with, or befriend, or even get recognized from. Then it started. I was somehow blinded and tricket that i could change my life in that very moment. And the only reason i thought about that was because i was scared of being myself. In this school... you do everything to survive, even if it meant to be someone you're not. But in the other hand, the reality is, just cause they want to, doesn't mean you have to change. It's hell, yes. But it also will pass and become a memory. You see, the problem is, you don't know how to be with yourself. Whatever you do, you just wanna change into someone else, because you never knew how to accept yourself for who you are. Too quite. Too insecure. Someone that meanings aren't listened too. Someone people would use over and over again. So why wouldn't you change yourself? Because there is someone out there who loves you and accepts you for who you are, even if you don't.
So you can already guess what happened. I exposed my friend. I got to be close with the jocks. I got to be known on the cheerleading squad. Everything seemed so different than before. I started smoking, drinking. You tell me what i didn't try. Messeges, phone calls from random people from the school. The point was of course of using the chance to 'change' not to attack anyone. But with time, just to calm people down, i started giving small informations. But i only said small information. For her.. it was alot to her...
With time, i got a lot of friends. I started to hang out with jocks. Surprisingly, my personality kind of changed, when someone tried to convince me that the only reason why they let me be with them was because they just wanted something for themselves. Or to ruin Hannah...
Without really bothering about what was happening, like every other day, i walked to the school. Everything seemed normal. I walked came to my locker and opened it. In the middle of minding my own buisness i hear someone's voice, and it didn't sound like anything good was happening. That how i suddently moved my attention to the voice.
"I didn't say anything, i swear to god!" I moved closer to the people around that was watching what was happening. "You knew it was a big deal to me and you just fucking do this?" And it was Zach and Hannah. "I don't know how it happened!"
"Hannah, it was only you and me who knew it" He said looking at her. He just looked at her for some seconds and walked away. Hannah shouted after him but it didn't work. He was so mad at her and and she was just hopeless, and didn't know what was happening. I didn't know what to do of course, so i just stood there with everyone else. Somewhere inside i felt bad. Really bad. But at that moment, i didn't do anything.
So later the same day, after cheerleading practice, i went outside so smoke. Ya. I guess we all do things we promise never to do. I looked down, and somehow i felt low. Really low. The ego and self esteem wwas high, i still wouldn't do anything. It's like nothing absolutely happened, and i was standing there smoking. That the person who was hopeless in front of my eyes wasn't my very first friend that didn't leave after just using me.
"What the fuck Y\N?!" Someone came out of the school building, storming up to me. "It was you, wasn't?" She said grabbing my arm, clearly she tried not to cry. "What the fuck is wrong with you Y\N, why the hell would you even do this-"
"Dude what the fuck is wrong with you" i said, pulling my arm back. "It's not like it was something serious" where i sound like i didn't bother about the situation.
"It was to me. You're the only one who knows, and you throw it away?"
"Is it because he didn't want anything to do with you?" "shut up"
"What? Am i lying. I was there Hannah, i saw his face. What are you on?" I said low, but enouh for her to understand.
"Fuck you Y\N. I fucking trusted you, and you just let MY relationship just go to hell, just cause you turned out to be manipulated and think you're something!" she said. "I seriously feel sorry for you" and left.
I didn't feel proud of the moment, but i guess i didn't care enough to do something. Maybe if i knew it was the last thing she was gonna say to me, maybe i would have done something. Told her i was sorry, at least. Do something before i lost her
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