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I trusted you
How messed up is it. How did he even dare? Why did it feel like this. Does he think my feelings are some type of a fucking joke? How did he even dare telling me he liked me then kissed an other girl in a party he brought me to then didn't even be by my side the whole time like i never was there. And my stupid ass to actually believe some liked me? They were right in front of the door so i dumped the girl's shoulder so hard they broke apart within the second.
"Y/N?"
"Oh so you can notice now? Don't even bother Jeff" i opened the door so hard from the handle, even in that dissapintment, i thought i was gonna break it. It hurt though. Was i a joke to him all these time? (aM i A jOkE tO yOu)
i felt my eyes burning. I knew i was close to egde. I fucking liked you, you fucking piece of shit, just go ahead and play with me like that. Look into my fucking eyes and lie directly to my face when you know among all these people, all these times, you were so god damn fucking special to me!
I had to stop and lean into a tree. Why did it hurt so much? Was this being weak? Come off of it, what is wrong with you? But i couldn't. I just felt myself silently sobbing. I was lost for a second until i heard someone call after me, and i perfectly knew who it was and if he thought for one second i was gonna look into his face, he was wrong bitch.
"Make-out session over, now you walk back to me to lie again?" i started walking away as fast as i could, hoping he'd leave me cause right now was the worst time to communicate with anyone. I also didn't want him to see me cry and realize i actually cared.
"Wait up Y/N/N" My heart started beating when i heard him walking faster after me.
"Leave me alone. Go walk back to, who knows, your fucking whore"
"Don't tell me to walk away from you cause you know i won't!"
I choose not to answer when he finally spoke again.
"Y/N, you don't know what you're talking about". I turned to face him, not even caring about my tears and puffy.
"You shit. I shouldn't have trusted you! One second you play with my feelings, then you kiss an other girl, wow what a fucking man. Maybe i don't know, i only know that you're a piece of shit Jeff Atkins. Yeah, i have feelings for you too, try make it some better reason to go fuck someone else 20 minutes after you lie"
"It's not like that Y/N/N, you aren't even letting me explain-"
I gave a hysterical laugh as a respond.
"Explain why you're being an asshole? Was this all a fucking joke to you?" i felt the tears burning again.
"No! I never-"
"You made me think you actually cared, then i fucking SAW YOU KISS SOMEONE ELSE, AFTER YOU LOOK INTO MY EYES AND MAKE IT SEEM SO FUCKING ,MEANINGFUL AND SHIT! AND I HATE CARING SO MUCH LIKE THIS BUT I DO. I FUCKING CARE!" Every word now came out as sobbing and crying, especally with anger exploding inside, it was hard to stop when already started.
"I fucking care... and that's the problem, isn't it. I shouldn't care, and i do. You say you like me and then do the- shit you do"
"You think i didn't mean any of those things, don't you"
"No shit"
"And you don't even let me explain because of how scared you are. You're scared to admit that you don't always have to be in your comfort-zone cause you're afraid to love"
"You had no right to hurt me like that-"
"I haven't cared about anyone as much as i care about you Y/N. That girl didn't mean anything to me as much as you do-"
"You fucking kissed her-"
"SHE KISSED ME! I was trying to find you and when i couldn't she stopped me for a 'talk' and she kissed me right before you.. right before you saw"
"And that was something i wasn't suppoosed to see because?-"
"I fucking love you Y/N. And i'd do anything if you were in that girl's place... anything"
"... i should hate you.. it's not fair. None of these are. It never fucking was, in fact, it's scaring the shit out of me!"
"You don't have to be scared. I wouldn't let anything happen to you" and that's when i realized he was actually close to me.
"In fact though, it's actually scaring me too. But that's okay. It really is. I know you don't wanna believe reality but at least, please let your reality be by my side"
It took some seconds any answer.
"It sounds so fucking cliche..." my voice was quite.
"I fucking love you too Jeff..."
and then i pressed my lips against his. Something i
