The Spymaster's Assassin (An ACoTaR Fanfic)

Chapter 8

That night I didn't sleep. I sat on the floor of the balcony attached to my room with the doors wide open. I breathed in the fresh air and let my wings droop around me, taking comfort in the fact that they were no longer clamped behind me. The cold floor felt good on my otherwise warm scaled wings.

I looked down at my hand and played with the ring that remained on my finger all these years later.

Old dried blood and dirt was embedded between the gem at its center and the silver band.

I ran my thumb over it and clenched my jaw.

There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't miss Haven. That I didn't have nightmares about his mutilated body being thrown to the ground with the proclamation that I had done it. That I had murdered him.

Nightmares about the Ring. The countless people I killed without a second thought. The lies I told to get certain faeries and Fae into the Ring with me at Azriel's instruction. Fighting a war on the inside as an unwilling assassin.

"You should be sleeping." His voice said, drifting through the shadows.

I held my hand out and shadows and darkness curled around my fingers. "I haven't been able to sleep a full night in twenty years, Azriel. You know that."

"I'd think now that you had an actual bed and use of your wings that you'd be able to sleep again. Even if only a little more than usual."

I clenched my jaw. "Those are good things, yes, but I can't just let go of the bad things. I did things Under the Mountain that I'm not proud of. That I hate myself for."

"You saved a lot of people, Adrianna." He says gently.

"I realize that, but I killed even more. People that had families of their own."

There was a pause. "Do you think you'll be sleeping at all tonight?"

"Probably not." I murmured.

"Take a walk with me?"

I ran a hand through my hair and tugged at a few tangled strands. "Sure."

A few moments later, there was a knock on my door. I stood up and opened it to see him standing there. He had bags under his eyes and his hair was disheveled. He looked like he had been wide awake for hours.

"Are you ok?" I asked and frowned.

"Yeah. Would you like to see Velaris? It's beautiful at night." He asked and slipped his hands into his pockets.

I hesitated, not believing that he was ok as he claimed and just nodded once and went back to my room and got a cloak and wrapped it around my shoulders, shifting my wings through slits in the back and folded them neatly behind me.

"Yes. Let's go." I said. He nodded and offered me an arm again and I took it. The muscles under his jacket were hard and tense and when he moved his other scarred hand to rest over my hand, I looked up at him.

And stopped.

"Azriel, are you sure you're ok?"

He didn't look at me. "I'm fine." He said softly.

I clenched my jaw, somehow feeling deep down inside of me that he most definitely was not ok. I side-stepped in front of him and looked up into those hazel eyes. Then, I wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged him tightly.

He hesitated, stiffening up a little, but I didn't let go. Then, his arms carefully moved around my shoulders, careful to avoid my wings.

"It's ok not to be ok." I whispered and he rested his chin on my head, but the tenseness in his shoulders didn't go away. I pulled away a little to look up at him and he looked down at me. "You were there for me in that cell and whenever I went into that Ring, and I'm here for you now. And it'll be pretty hard to get away from me." I said and smiled a little. My smiles were rare, but I would smile for him.