The Spymaster's Assassin (An ACoTaR Fanfic)

Chapter 32

We stood in silence on a balcony looking out over the city, the balcony where I asked him how he did it- how he got over his trauma. Now, I was going to ask him something even more personal. It seemed Rhysand and I were good at having deeply personal conversations on balconies. At least now, I felt as though I understood why I always felt comfortable enough to have those discussions with him.

"What is it that you wish to speak to me about, Adrianna? And where did you hear about me and Ravenna?"

I clenched my fists, then folded my arms over my chest and told him everything I got from Haven and he stood in resolute silence, his violet eyes never once looking in my direction. As if he was ashamed. I watched him carefully as he did this, and as I told him, and felt a sinking dread form in the pit of my stomach.

"Well?" I asked. "Are you going to confirm it or deny it? Who are you to me, really? Are you just my High Lord, or is it more than that?"

"What do you think?" He asks softly as he looks out at the city and crosses his arms, still not looking in my direction.

I looked out at the city as well and said, "Illyrians can't winnow. It's a power only High Fae can use. But I can and I'm Illyrian. My mother is Ravenna, and she was Illyrian. The only thing that links me to Beron is my red hair. But that could have been from anywhere." I paused.

"You were nothing but kind to me the moment I arrived. Everything you did Under the Mountain, too, was to protect me. You spared Ravenna- and me- during the War. I'm a Shadowsinger. You actively searched for the men who kidnapped me and allowed me to kill them for myself. You raised me up to a high station almost immediately after my arrival and even made it known to the Court of Nightmares. It's almost obvious by now. What other motive would you have had? You've known Feyre to be your mate for years. So why me?"

He looked at me then, those violet eyes meeting mine, and I realized there were tears in them. Finally, he spoke. "I told you once you might be considered a bastard if I were to raise you here in Velaris myself when I saved you and your mother. I wasn't wrong. I knew from the moment you were brought Under the Mountain who you were to me. You are not Beron's daughter."

I couldn't breathe for a moment as I stared at him in shock. But before I could say anything, he held up a hand.

"I was willing, however, to let you go to Autumn Court because I knew you being there would benefit both Courts- and all of Prythian- in the end. Because Beron is a fool and a tyrant. You would have made it possible for someone else to take Autumn's throne. You were born out of wedlock. The shame, pain, and ridicule that would come to you from that would be my fault. I didn't want...I didn't want my daughter to live that life."

He released a shaky breath. "Yes. Everything I've done is to pamper you for leadership because you are my heir. Everything I've done is to make you an immovable part of my Court, to demonstrate your power and abilities and worth. You are my first born, no matter who says anything against it. I recognize the fighting spirit within you. You remind me in many ways of my sister. I wanted you safe, and thought your safety would be greatest separated from both Ravenna and I, but when I found out who Ravenna gave you to- sold you to- it was already too late. You were Under the Mountain. There isn't a death worthy enough- painful enough- for those two monsters for what they did to you, Adrianna. And that is a shame I will live with for the rest of my life."

I stared in shock, feeling an overwhelming mix of emotions. I wasn't sure if I was going to throw up, pass out, cry, scream, or run away in that moment. And in that moment, Rhysand, the High Lord of Night Court, my father, looked just as scared, nervous, and sad.

For some reason I wasn't sure how to feel about all of this all of a sudden. He wasn't just my High Lord, friend, and confidant, but now my father. My real father. And he seemed to be thinking the same about me. To go from being such close friends to realizing you are family is a big step.