The Spymaster's Assassin (An ACoTaR Fanfic)

Chapter 10

I stumbled back away from him, wings flaring a little in shock.

"What?" I breathed. "How long have you known? How long has it been like this?"

He raised a hand to rub through his hair, then looked to me and said breathlessly, "Since the day we first meet."

I froze, then looked at him and clenched my fists. "That was nearly twenty-two years ago! Why didn't you say anything?"

"You were engaged to someone else. You were happy. So I decided if you were happy with him, I wouldn't ruin it. Seeing you happy and thriving made me happy, even if it killed me to see you with someone else. Loving someone else." He looked at the floor.

I looked at him and a surge of anger washed over me. "And Under the Mountain. You're telling me it was the mating bond and not some Shadowsinger trick that allowed us to communicate, then?"

He nodded.

I turned away from him and ran a hand through my hair and let out a shaky breath. "Why didn't you say anything Under the Mountain about it, then?"

He was quiet for a moment, then said in a voice hardly above a whisper, "Because I knew it would hurt you. I knew that if I came up with the fact that you are my mate so soon after..." he didn't finish the sentence. But he didn't need to. The tears that pricked at my vision showed I already understood why. "I didn't want to hurt you, and I knew the only way I could speak with you- be with you in a way- was to talk to you every chance I got. Rhysand linked our minds for me so that I could."

I looked up at him and a tear slid down my cheek. His face was gaunt and he looked...broken. Hurt. Sad. Alone. And even...scared.

"Why do you look so frightened?" I whispered.

"Because I don't know what will happen next." He admitted plainly and swallowed hard.

"Azriel, I-"

"It's alright. If you aren't ready, I won't force you. I never planned to lie to you. I didn't tell you Under the Mountain because I didn't want to distract you. I needed to help you to just get out. Get through the Ring. Did everything and anything I could to ensure that you got out of that arena alive every time. And when I felt your pulse begin to weaken...and I thought you were going to die, I was terrified."

I looked at him and the tears fell faster now, and I just gasped, "I'm sorry."

"What for?" He looked at me.

I clenched my jaw and squeezed my hands together and looked at him. "I-I don't know. I just...you deserve better than me."

He looked at me and a different expression crossed his face. "Adrianna, I could ask for no one else to be my mate."

"What about Mor?" I demanded. "You two seem to be in love."

He raised an eyebrow. "Mor is my friend. A good friend, but nothing more."

"She doesn't seem to look at it that way." I snapped.

He sighed. "I used to love her until I meet you. Until the bond snapped in place. I haven't looked at another woman since and told Mor I was in love with someone else."

I faltered. "You...love me?" I whispered.

He merely nodded.

I didn't know what to do. What could I do?

I looked at my hand and the ring on my finger, then at him and clenched my jaw, then let out a shaky breath then took a step towards him and grabbed the collar of his tunic and pulled him down to my lips and kissed him.