The Wolf and The Lion || Jaime Lannister

Nine

Rayna

I expected to have nightmares after the events of yesterday but I've never felt more peaceful as I am now, sleeping in his arms. When I begin to wake the unfamiliar feeling of his arms around me soothes me. My heart swells as my eyes open to find him already awake and watching me with a soft expression.
I stroke his cheek in pure adoration "Good morning"
"It certainly is a good morning", he agrees and I smile sleepily as he presses a light kiss to my lips.
"What time is it?", I ask as I notice the sunlight peaking through the blinds.
"Early morning, servants will be in soon", he says. I sit up suddenly feeling anxious, someone could walk in, Cersei could walk in.
"The doors locked, it's alright", he assures me in a soothing voice and I believe him when he says it will be alright. He strokes my arm and moves the fabric of my underclothes away slightly to kisses my shoulder.
"You've never been this gentle with me", I say, when we're usually alone together it's passionate, rushed and rough. As much as I do love that side of him, of myself, this is something I've only seen in rare moments.
"You were nearly raped yesterday, most woman don't invite a man into their bed after something like that", he says still a little shocked that I'm here "Let alone come to a mans bed"
"I'm glad I did", I say wrapping my arms around his neck to pull myself closer to him.
"So am I," he says kissing me gently, still groggy from sleep then as brushes his thumb over my cheek and I hiss in pain. I almost forgot how rough the men were, I didn't think they'd actually injured me.
"Your cheeks cut", he says and somehow I find his concern somewhat amusing.
"Yes, and the man who did this to me's throats cut", I remind him and I didn't expect the pride that fills his eyes. I could see it when I killed the men, in that moment we both realise we were far more alike than we ever thought. I killed a man out of shock and self defence but the second I killed for my own satisfaction, my own vengeance. I only feel proud of myself for doing so.
"How are you feeling?" he asks and I know he means yesterday but all I feel is extreme bliss in this very moment.
"Yesterday feels like a bad dream and right now I've never been happier"
He smiles as kisses me, I savour the taste of his lips on my own. I could do this all day, just lie in bed with him but unfortunately that's not possible.
"I'll have to leave before anyone comes", I remind him "As much as I would like to stay I can't"
"No one can know about this, not even your sisters", he says moves his hand down my back making my breath hitch.
"They won't know", I promise "Cersei-"
"I will take care of Cersei, she won't know anything as long as we keep this secret"
"Is that what you want, to keep this secret?" I ask but then I remember Loras and my father. I made an oath, we have to keep this secret until I can find a way out of that oath.
"Right now we don't have any other choice", he says and I know he doesn't want to hide it either but he's right. We have to.
"How will we do this?" I ask "I've never had a secret lover before"
The look on his face tells me that it isn't the same with him. A bitter jealousy flares in me but now is not the time to ask him about the other woman. Well", he mumbles trying to find the right words "It's not easy"
"I know it won't be but it will be worth it"
He traces his finger over my arm mindlessly as he thinks "You need to keep up appearances with Loras, if you two act like you at least like each other then people won't question it"
"Aren't you worried about me accidentally seducing him?" I tease but he makes a face.
"What's that look?" I laugh.
"Rayna, Loras prefers men"
I definitely didn't expect that but now it makes so much sense "Really?"
"It's the worst kept secret at court", he says surprised that I hadn't figured it out yet.
"Then why the hell did my father betroth me to him?" I exclaim but he hushes me as he tries to soothe me before I can worked up.
"Northerners aren't the most observant people and they are a bit more traditional so men like your father wouldn't suspect it or we'll approve of it much. I suspect he knows by now but knowing Ned I assume he thinks that Loras will change once he gets a wife"
"Probably", I agree, Father would never engage me to a man who couldn't love me like I want knowingly but one thing still confuses me "Then why were you so jealous?" I ask "At the joust you definitely seemed worried"
"Because I was worried you would fall for him, not the other way around"
"Oh Jaime, you definitely don't have to worry about me falling for any other man", I smile wrapping my arms tighter around his neck and kissing him "You're the only man I want"
"I trust you, I'm not worried", he assures me and I want to say that I have the same trust in him but my heart sinks as I realise I don't. I can't when I don't know anything about the woman Jaime loved his entire life, she could be right around the corner from us.
"I should find my way out", I say sitting up and and walking to the centre of the room in my underclothes.
His eyes shine with awe as he looks up at me and he doesn't say anything.
"What?" I ask playfully
"I love you", he says again. I know he loves me but I can't get rid of that aching gut feeling that tells me to watch out for the other woman.
I begin lacing up my bodice with some difficulty, usually I have a handmaiden to help.
"Let me", he says jumping out of bed and pressing a kiss to my shoulder as he laces the back up for me. He knows how to do it far too easily.
"Jaime can I ask you something?"
"Of course", he replies wrapping his arm around my waist and turning us to face the mirror.
Hesitantly I ask "That woman you loved, is she here in the Red Keep"
He definitely didn't expect my question and I can feel him stiffen behind me. I can see how the bliss leaves his eyes.
"We'll talk about her another time", he promises "I'm not ready for that yet"
The sheer pain in his voice catches me off guard and I regret even asking. But that pain doesn't put me at ease, if he's hurt then there is still love there.
"Of course", I smile knowing when to equip my charms as much as it kills me "When your ready"
He takes my hand and presses a comforting kiss to it then whispers in my ear "You are the only woman I want, I can't tell you much but I can tell you that"
As far as confessions go it's the closest I'll get, for now at least.