The Wolf and The Lion || Jaime Lannister

Eighty

Jaime

Rayna was called away early this morning by Sansa so I've been walking the along the walls of the castle looking at the defences set up, trying to think of just how we can hold them off for long enough. I'm that lost in thought I barely notice Tyrion walking over to me.
"Well here we are", he says as he stands by my side.
"Yes we are"
"Together again"
A man from one of the towers above spits down on us and I give him a warning look. Even though I'm past caring what they think Rayna made it very clear that anyone who has a problem with me can fight the dead outside these walls on their own. Once it used to be me protecting her, now she's the one protecting me. Then again she's always protected me, if it wasn't for her I'm sure Robb would have taken my head. She's always used what power she has to protect me and I would die to protect her.
"And the masses rejoice", Tyrion comments.
"How have they taken to your new queen?" I still haven't gotten used to Daenerys and her men here. I didn't think it was possible but the Northerners have found someone they dislike even more than me. Although slowly, they are becoming used to me.
"They remember what happened the last time Targaryens brought dragons north", he says and even I remember, the Targaryens brought fire and blood "They'll come around once they see Daenerys is different"
"And she is different?" Westeros cannot handle another mad queen and neither can I. If Daenerys turns out like her father everything I've done, all those years of being called a kingslayer would have been in vain.
"She is", he says but the uncertainty in his voice worries me.
"You're sure about her?", I ask again.
"I am", he insists but I remember overhearing them arguing just yesterday. More often than not when I see them together they are arguing.
"She didn't seem sure about you", I remind him.
"It's hard to blame her. I made a mistake common to clever people", he reluctantly admits "I underestimated my opponent"
It's true he did but so did I. Rayna has as well, she underestimated Littlefinger but unlike us she never underestimated Cersei. She knew exactly what Cersei was but she trusted me when I said Cersei wouldn't kill me, that I would make sure she held up her end of the treaty.
"We both underestimated Cersei and made our respective queens look like fools because of it", I say and he nods in agreement.
"Rayna blames herself not you though", he tells me and I realise Rayna has avoided talking about the matter with Cersei. We spoke of what happened but she cursed Cersei more than anything else, if she blamed me for it I would definitely know it "Daenerys trusted in me completely and I let her down"
"We both fucked up, Rayna just didn't want to fight with me over it", I try to convince myself but as true as that part might be I know that she doesn't blame me, she just wanted me to come home to her. I am the one to blame though, she made me the commander of her armies and trusted me to oversee that part of the truce. She wanted me to come home with an army and I only came home with more scars. Yet she doesn't blame me for any of it, she hasn't even thought of it. She just wanted me to come home to her.
The corner of his mouth turns up "She would blame herself before blaming you, in her eyes you can do no wrong"
"Oh trust me she knows I can do wrong, I've learned that there is no wrath like a woman scorned", I laugh knowing how wrong he is. It's true that Rayna sees the best and ignores the bad when it comes to me but when I fuck up badly she lets me know it "Let's see, she didn't see no wrong when I fought her father in the street, and when she found out about Bran and Cersei and there's been many other things over the years-"
"No matter what you do she will love you Jaime", he says cutting me off and I know it's true. If she can forgive everything I've done and love me still she would love me no matter what I may have to do. A chill runs down my spine as I remember Brans words, that I will do far worse for her than pushing a boy out of a tower for her. Tyrion eyes me curiously "Would you still love her no matter what she may become?"
"What do you mean by that?" I ask defensively.
"Jaime, we both know that the North isn't the only kingdom she desires", he reveals and I wonder just how plain Rayna has made that intention.
"Who knows?" I ask quietly as I look around to make sure no one is listening.
"You and I, she's not a fool", he says quietly "When she was in the dragon pit with Cersei and Daenerys she exposed her ambition as a ruler, not for the Iron Throne but just as a Queen, and for a moment I thought of how she could be a threat to Daenerys, with the child in her belly and half of the kingdoms on her side. Then I realised she was having the exact same thought. Thankfully I was the only one who realised, however I believe our dear sister also sees her as a threat to her throne"
Rayna hasn't spoken of it since Kings Landing but I know her. She is stubborn and once her mind is set on something she will get it. When she wanted to kill the Frey's and I disagreed because we didn't have the strength she didn't speak of it, but after they were massacred she revealed that she would have killed them all eventually. Which frankly I would have supported and I would have commanded that battle but still hid her intention after I initially rejected it. She has had plans that she's kept hidden from everyone, even me. I'm sure she still has plans that she keeps hidden but like Tyrion said, she isn't a fool.
"What powerful person hasn't dreamt of sitting on the throne?" I try to reason but neither of us believe it's as simple as that.
"If anything happens to Daenerys during the battle or after then what?" he asks me "Will Rayna sit in the North and let Cersei rule?"
We both know the answer "She would rally every man she could to take the throne from Cersei"
"And what would you do?"
"I would lead the army myself", I answer knowing what I would do for Rayna. If she wanted Cersei's head I would give it to her, if she wanted the Iron Throne I would take it for her myself. However I know that she would never ask it of me, would never ask me to kill my own sister or to fight against Lannister troops. Yet I know that one day I won't have a choice "If Cersei remains queen then Rayna will never be safe, our child won't be safe"
He nods in agreement but neither of us are pleased with how we know this will end. After all those years of father drilling into us family first we are both going to play a role in our sisters death.
"So how is our dear sister", he asks as we begin walking along the wall and I lower my head as I force myself to acknowledge the truth.
"She's lost her mind, I always wondered if it was me that Joffrey got his... well whatever it was from but it was Cersei", I say, forcing myself to face the truth "Only it took over forty years for that side of her to come out"
"Then she really is lost then", he says sadly "We both believed that she could still want to save herself"
"She will die before surrendering, she is too proud", I mutter, the Lannister pride "She's always been good at using the truth to tell lies. I wouldn't be too hard on yourself. She's fooled me more than anybody"
He stops and stares at me.
"What?"
"She never fooled you. You always knew exactly what she was, and you loved her anyway", he says and as much as I want to deny it I know it's true. I loved her once but not anymore.
"Until I met Rayna"
"Yes until you met Rayna", he says and we stop to look out over the courtyard at the men preparing the trench.
"So we're going to die at Winterfell, not the death I would've chosen. I always pictured myself dying in my own bed, at the age of 80, with a belly full of wine and-"
We both finish that sentence together and he smiles up at me. "At least Cersei won't get to murder me. I'm sure I'll feel some satisfaction denying her that pleasure while I'm being ripped apart by dead men", he rambles but I've stopped listening as I look out over the other side of the wall and see Rayna standing down there with Brienne.
She is giving orders to the men and looking like a real queen unlike the others. Cersei I imagine is drinking while cooped up with Euron Greyjoy and Daenerys spends most of her time with her dragons. Jon seems to be avoiding her but I'm not sure why.
Rayna is smiling as she embraces Arya who's just appeared. Arya frightens me a little, Rayna didn't mention if it was her that killed the Frey's but by the pleased look when she spoke of her reunion with Arya I suspect it was. She has a habit of appearing out of no where and I saw her training in the courtyard with Brienne. I'll definitely take Brans advice and not tell her the truth. Rayna is laughing with her and it's been a while since I've seen her so happy.
"She looks happy"
"She's been happier since you've come home", Tyrion says and my eyes stay fixed on her as she inspects Arya's sword "She only wore black until you came back"
She looks regal in the silver-grey dress she wears and I'm confused by his comment as Rayna usually dresses in grey, her house colour or other soft colours. Occasionally Lannister red, she's always beautiful and proud in grey but she knows how I feel when I see her wearing red. That even though she calls herself a Stark she has taken my name, that she is a Lannister by marriage and is proud to be my wife.
"She never wears black?"
He looks amused as he says "That's because when you're there she's happy, in Kings Landing she wore black constantly, she only wore grey when she needed strength" his voice suddenly goes hauntingly quiet "I remember the day I found her standing beside one of the highest windows in the Red Keep clad in black, she wanted to end it all and that was when she turned that grief into anger, into strength, she wore grey from then on"
Whenever I pity Cersei I remind myself that she was the one who drove Rayna to nearly taking her life. That if Rayna's grief had outweighed her thirst for revenge she wouldn't be here.
She looks up and smiles as she sees me standing on the wall "Jaime", she calls waving me down. She's come so far and I will always be proud of her. It was grief that drove Cersei mad and it nearly did the same to Rayna but now she is sound of mind and determined. She doesn't live for revenge anymore but for love. Her love for me, for her family and for the North. It was never power she wanted, it was her family. However none of it will matter if we are slaughtered by the dead.