The Wolf and The Lion || Jaime Lannister

Eighty Eight

Jaime

For hours we wait.
That's all we can fucking do. Wait.
These last few weeks we've been happy, we believed that we were finally at peace but we were wrong. Why is it that when everything finally seems to come together it all falls apart?
Myrcella. She finally accepted me as her father and then she died in my arms while all I could do was hold her helplessly knowing that I couldn't save her.
It was a feeling I never wanted to experience again but here I am. There is no worse feeling than being unable to protect the ones you love. How can I call myself a knight if I can't even protect my own wife?
All I could do was hold her and try to stop the bleeding while screaming for someone who could help her because I couldn't. Even if she lives the babies will be dead and I don't know if either of us will recover from that. We've both felt far more grief in these past few years then either of us ever thought we would experience in a lifetime.
I remember when she told me about losing our first child, she was eighteen when it happened and I knew that she wasn't ready but we had both been careless the night she conceived. Even so, that loss broke part of us both. The twins however were hoped for and we both wanted to have a family, to start a new life together. To have this second chance.
Now I know how Robb must have felt in his last moments, standing there helpless as Talisa bled out on the floor. I can clearly imagine his dying thoughts. They weren't of his title, not even of his people but his devastation of failing to save the woman he loves.
All I can hear is her crying still echoing through my mind, that she didn't want to die like Talisa, and all I can see when I close my eyes is the sheer terror that was in hers. She has faced death without fear many times but tonight she was afraid, not just afraid but terrified. She wanted to live, she wanted our babies to live and there was nothing I could do.
I should have been there with her, I should have never left her alone. I should have known that this was a plot of Cersei's.
"Years ago when I laid in bed helpless an assassin lit a fire to draw Robb away from me but my mother stayed", Bran tells me and I can vaguely remember Rayna telling me about it at the time "She fought until my dire wolf tore the assassins throat open".
Cersei knew about that attack and she would have known the details of it, she's always had a cruel sense of 'poetic justice' as she would call it. She wanted to recreate this for Rayna. Not just the assassination attempt on Bran, but Talisa's death as well. Rayna never saw it thank the gods but she certainly heard the details of it. Even those who were enemies to the Starks were horrified that a man would stab a pregnant woman in the belly in front of her own husband under the pretence that they were his guests.
The Northerners love their Queen and will demand blood for this, as will I. I'm shaking with fury as the thought crosses my mind, a bloodlust I haven't felt in years. When Tyrion killed our father I swore I'd kill him if I ever saw him again but slowly the anger faded and I couldn't imagine ever harming him. But this is different, killing a man who sentenced you to death and trying to assassinate a pregnant woman in her own home are very different. If I ever see Cersei again it might just be me who takes her head.
"Jaime", Sansa says reaching across the table to take my hand but I flinch away, I don't deserve to be comforted. "If she is still alive then chances are she will survive this", she tries to assure me but I still can't find the words to speak.
If she dies then I don't know what I would do, where I would go. I would have no place in the North and if Daenerys survives to conquer Kings Landing I doubt I would be welcome there with her and Tyrion. The only place would be Casterly Rock but without Rayna it wouldn't feel like home, no where would.
"She's strong", Arya agrees as she stands abruptly and takes her sword "Sansa tell her where I've gone"
"Shouldn't you at least stay until we can see her?" Sansa asks her and they share a secretive look.
"I'm no use here", she replies and I'm hardly paying attention as she leaves to go gods know where. Sansa chases after her leaving myself, Brienne and Bran.
"They are right you know", Brienne tries to reassure me "She will live"
I can't even bring myself to respond to Brienne. The guilt swallows any words that I could even form. I should have killed Cersei when I had the chance.
Sansa returns without Arya as more time passes, each minute even more torturous than the last.
My heart jumps when the door opens but its not the maester, it's just Lord Royce.
"My Lord, my Lady", he says gravely greeting Sansa and I "I thought that you may want to examine the body"
"Oh gods", Sansa gasps as my heart stops but before I can even register the words he quickly adds "The body of the assassin, I'm very sorry to startle you my Lady"
"Do you have any news of the Queen", Brienne asks as Sansa regains herself.
"She is still alive that's all I know", he says quietly as he leads us into a spare room where they've moved the assassins body.
When we enter the body is laid on a table, I continue to shake with rage as I move closer to it. Brienne stands with Sansa who keeps her distance "Just let him be", Sansa tells her to keep her from holding me back.
The bastards throat was ripped wide open by ghost and his face was half mauled in the process. Whatever jackets he was wearing have been removed and I can see that Rayna must have gotten to him before Ghost. There are several open wounds in the chest where she must have stabbed him, she definitely didn't go down without a fight. A coin purse hangs out of his pocket and I lift it to feel the weight of it. Cersei certainly didn't spare any expense. Inside amongst the coins is a piece of paper.