The Wolf and The Lion || Jaime Lannister

Twenty

Rayna

Months have passed since my Fathers execution. Tyrion keeps me informed of the war and any news of Jaime and my family. Nothing has changed. There is no freedom in sight. Not unless the Robb bends the knee to Joffrey or if Joffrey lets the North be independent in exchange for Jaime.
The months I've spent seeing Sansa being humiliated by Joffrey and living in constant fear for my life has hardened me. Bitterness and fury consumes me.
But there's more than that. Pure despair and hopelessness. Loneliness above all. It has been so long but I still feel the ghost of Jaime in my bed.
Tyrion has been a good friend, so has his lover Shae. They are the only friends I have here. Sansa is the reason I stay strong. For her. I do what I can inside the castle to stir unease between Joffrey and Cersei, to do anything to help the Northern cause but I'm mostly I feel insignificant.
My dreams have never been so vivid come nightfall. I dream of Jaime, being caught in throngs of passion with him and reuniting. I dream of Cersei and Joffreys heads on the walls of Kings Landing where my Fathers was. If Joffreys dies the throne would go to Tommen, or more likely to Stannis considering the war. Tommen is a sweet boy, his sister Myrcella is also a darling. Sometimes when Cersei forces Sansa and I to dine with her lot I can see bits of Jaime in both of the children. I wonder how Joffrey ended up so demented.
With each day my hatred only grows. My hatred to the crown. Sansa has remained somewhat joyful, I try to keep her positive but I know that no one is coming to save us. To survive this I've had to become cold and bitter. If Jaime saw me now I wonder how similar he would think Cersei and I are now since Kings Landing has shaped me into something I never thought I could become. I shield Sansa from the attacks as much as I can but she doesn't know how many of them I've taken.
Jaime remains a prisoner. We are both prisoners. My heart has grown cold, the love I have for him has become dormant or at least that's what I tell myself to make it easier but I know I'm only lying to myself. After all I still wear the ring he gave me.
I stare out my window at the lights of the city that I once longed to see so badly. Now I've grown to despise them as well. Sleep is my only escape.

"Rayna". His voice sounds heavenly in my ear. I roll over and face my love. He never fails to make my heart race as much as the day I first saw him. His blonde hair, emerald eyes and that damn smile.
"Jaime", I breathe kissing him. As I gaze upon him my heart aches and my tears fall down my cheeks. He kisses me gently as he always does when I'm upset. He always knows when to tease me and arouse me, when to be wild and when to be soft and gentle with me. No matter what he is always loving. Always.
"Rayna, you need to stay strong, you will survive this", he says softly as his lips brush against my own.
"I don't want to", I tremble "Is it even worth fighting anymore"
"If I can survive this so can you", he reminds me, running his fingers through my hair and suddenly he morphs from clean shaven and golden haired to bearded and dirty haired.
"I miss you so much", I cry as he wipes my tears away with dirt encrusted nails.
"Nothing else matters, only us", he says as his lips find mine but I'm ripped from this heaven far too soon.

"Rayna, the Queen wants to see you", Shae says loudly as she tries to wake me. I don't respond. I just stare numbly at the light peaking through my window. I touch the golden ring on my finger, take a deep breath and make myself rise for another day in hell.

Cersei smiles wickedly as always when she sees me. Like she is plotting to have me poisoned at this very moment. So many mind games.
"I am growing tired of this war", she sighs "Your brother doesn't intend to release Jaime does he?"
"How do you expect me to know", I comment as I pull up a chair.
"Am I meant to pretend I don't know Tyrion has smuggled letters out for you", she states but I'm not worried.
"The last one I send was months ago, I stopped when I realised my words wouldn't change anything", I confess bitterly.
"Given up hope already?", she taunts "I thought Jaime liked you because you were determined and full of fire, I didn't expect it to burn out so quickly"
"That's where your wrong, I grew up in Winterfell", I remind her "The cold is what I know, fire doesn't last but ice lasts far longer, winter is coming and fire cannot survive the winter"
"How philosophical", she comments "I'm surprised your brother still has Jaime captive, the last letter I sent I threatened that if I didn't have Jaime back the next letter I sent would be accompanied by your head"
I almost laugh as I see through her. She is all talk and little action. She is too afraid of the consequences. She fears Tywin and I suspect he's given orders not to have me harmed.
"I imagine he's grown tired of your threats, they hold no weight anymore", I say drinking more wine, more than slightly intoxicated I add "Perhaps I'll hurry it up and throw myself from the highest window of the Red Keep"
"Would you now?" She asks, testing me. Its not as if I have danced on the edge before. I would pull the shutters back and stand on the edge of the windowsill. The fear of falling made me want to live. Whenever I felt like giving up hope I would bring myself to a place where I could be dead in an instant. It shocked me back into my right mind. However I'm not quite sure what that is anymore.
"Not before I spill some blood", I dare to say.
"Is that a threat?"
"Why what are you going to do, kill me", I laugh "You've been threatening to do that since the moment I arrived in Kings Landing"
She raises her eyebrows and takes a long drink, then she lowers the glass as she sees the ring on my finger, only just noticing I still wear it.
"Do you still love my brother?", she asks with genuine curiously.
"I haven't seen him in a very long time", I reply numbly.
"That's not an answer"
"I knew him for maybe three quarters of a year, I fell madly in love and then I found out he had been lying to me the entire time, yet for some reason I still slept with him after I ran from my wedding", I laugh darkly "I was a stupid girl but I don't feel much love anymore, I've learned that it's no good"
"You've grown wiser in your time here", she notes "Love no one but your children, on that front a mother has no choice"
She gives me that advice almost as if she's grown fond of me.
"I had to become wise, if I wasn't my head would be on that wall"
"It still may be soon", she reminds me but it's meaningless unless Tywin decides that he doesn't need me alive.
"We shall see", I simply answer as I stand and walk towards the door "Or maybe Stannis will take your head first, he will be here soon won't he?"
I've heard the rumours, Stannis is approaching Kings Landing to lay siege.
"I haven't dismissed you"
"No, I've dismissed myself" I say cockily as I find my way out. When Stannis comes I won't have to answer to her anymore. Sansa and I will escape.