The Wolf and The Lion || Jaime Lannister

Seven

Rayna

After the tournament I find him alone in his room. "What the fuck Jaime!"
"What?" he asks playing the fool and I scoff.
"You know damn well what I mean, dueling Loras Tyrell was one thing anyone could have overlooked as you just doing what you usually do in a tournament but you kissing my hand like that, people will ask questions"
"Let them", he replies "Isn't that what you said?"
I purse my lips and shake my head at him, clenching my fists to stop myself from slapping him, trying to calm myself but failing.
"I know you did it partially out of jealousy, partially out of anger", I acknowledge as I can see his reasoning crystal clear now "But mainly so I would end up here confronting you about it, and now you are trying to make me pissed so I yell at you and keep speaking to you instead of walking away"
"You're clever", he praises "How'd you figure that out, I thought I was being subtle"
"No Jaime, I just know you", I say and my voice is absent of anger, it's strained as I plead with him "Please don't make this harder than it needs to be"
"I don't want to", he says, taken back by my sudden change in tone. He expected me to yell at him and fight with him, I'm not going to give him that satisfaction.
"But you are, you know I want you and I know you want me but it's not that simple, I wish it was but it's not you said so yourself", I say wrapping my arms around myself, wishing they were his. He notices and I don't resist as he wraps his firm arms around me and tucks my head into the crook of his neck. I remain frozen and unmoving, not making any advances towards him but at the same time not resisting his and again he is gentle with me. Showing me there is more to him then lust, roughness and coldness.
"I lied", he says but I know that he didn't. What he said was true and neither of us can deny it.
"Don't lie to me Jaime, be honest with me", I plead wanting him to be open with me "I know you are a good man, don't pretend to be someone else to get me to leave you"
"In a different world if I wasn't the Kingslayer and you weren't Ned Starks daughter, I would court you properly, I would ask your Father for your hand and marry you", he finally admits and I squeeze my eyes shut to keep my tears at bay "If I was like Loras Tyrell or like any supposedly decent man, I would have courted you properly, it's what you deserve, not this"
My heart breaks a little at the idea of what could have been. At the pureness of his intentions, of what he wishes he did. What he wants is honourable, the opposite of what everyone thinks of him. I find myself returning his embrace and holding onto him tightly just like I did the night Cersei caught us, like it might be the last time because it just might be.
"You aren't like most decent men Jaime, there are no men like you, and that's why I-"
I swallow hard and stop myself from finishing that sentence but he knows damn well what I was going to say.
I force myself to step out of his embrace and I can't stop the hot tears that fall down my cheeks. His hand reaches up to wipe away my tears and then he takes my hand in his own and brings it to his lips, I don't realise I'm shaking until his lips press against my knuckle. No more words are spoken, no more need to be.
My unfinished sentence is said and returned in the simple kiss of my hand. In a simple gesture that holds so much meaning.
We stay there like that for just a few moments longer before I slowly pull myself away from him. The look in his eyes breaks my heart. The longing, the devastation that I know must be reflected on mine as well.
Reluctantly I turn my back to him and begin walk away, to leave his room but as I feel the lingering warmth of his lips on my knuckles I can't bring myself take another step away from him.
This is madness. I've known him for such a short time. I only targeted him because I thought father might agree to make a match between us but when I realised it would never happen I only wanted him more. I don't know why he wants me, what makes me so special but ever since I was old enough to understand what romantic love is I've wanted it. I never thought I'd find it like this, with a man like him. But I have and I can't fight it.
I turn back around and half run back to Jaime and he steps forward to meet me and he grabs me by the hips and pulls me into his arms as I clutch his face and bring his lips to mine needing to feel them one last time. Any self control I had left snaps and his tongue moves against mine and I groan into his mouth as he pulls me roughly against him.
We are both selfish and reckless with how we love and it's why we are drawn towards each other and it's also why we can't be together as badly as we want to be but to hell with reason.
I'm pulling off his shirt and flinging it across the room as I move us backwards towards the bed. His eyes are wide as I push him onto his back and climb on top of me feeling the bare skin of his chest under my hands.
"Rayna", he groans as I press hot kisses down his chest and then capture his lips with my own. His hands hike my skirts up and explore my bare legs as I feel a hardness under me.
Gods I want him more than I've ever wanted anything but if I do this, if I give myself to him like this only to be promised to another it will break my heart.
I savour the softness of his lips, the taste of his tongue and the warmth of his skin until I can finally force myself to tear myself away and stumble out the door without looking back.
The ground seems to spin under me as I force myself to walk further away from him and I don't turn back as badly as I want to. As soon as I am out of his sight my knees go weak and I fall to the ground and my hand covers my mouth to muffle the sobs that escape me.
All I can think is why? Why is the only man that I want the one man I can't have?