MY GIRLS| billie eilish|

Chapter 30

I know I said id post a lot but ended up going on a trip and had NO fUCKing wifi but here you go.

BILLIES POV

We had finally made it to the hospital. Q was in critical condition and was rushed into surgery the second we arrived.

On the way here I thought we lost him. I tried my best to keep him awake but all he would do is mumble back small responses until he passed out.

I sat in the waiting room listening to the cries of the people that lost someone they loved, just completely lost in my thoughts. It had been hours since I got here and I haven't heard news from anyone.

"Please be okay, please be okay..." I mumbled to myself with my face buried in my hands

He jumped in front of a bullet for you

He could've died

He could be dead

Why would he do this?

"Please Brandon, please" I said in small sobs," I can't live without you, I love you"

"Miss O'Connel?"

I darted my head up to see Brandon's doctor.

"Yes?! How is he? Is he okay?!" I asked

" The surgery went well, there were some complications-"

"What kind of complications?"

"-But nothing we couldn't handle. He's in recovery right now, he's asleep but you can go see him. Room 263"

"Thank you" I said as I tried to rush past him

"But wait, he isn't doing very good at the moment."

"What do you mean?"

"We'll have to keep an eye on him for the next couple days... if he lasts that long."

"What-"

"His chances are looking very slim, we don't think he'll make it through the night" and with that he walked away.

Thousands of thoughts rushed through my brain, but none stood out as much as one. If he doesn't have long I need to make the most of the time he has now.

"263,263,263" I repeated to myself as I rushed down the crowded hallway

I opened the door and saw him laying in bed. He had plenty of tubes coming out of his arms that had him connected to all different kinds of machines.

I sat next to him and grasped onto his hand. My cheeks were stained with tears as I told him how much he meant to me.

"I'm so, so sorry. I shouldn't have let you do this. Why would you do this?" I sobbed

"Because you mean the world to me."

No he couldn't be...

I raised my head and saw he had woken up, his eyes were hardly open but I could tell he was looking straight at me.

"You're awake" I said throwing on a fake smile

"Don't do that"

"Do what?"

" Act like this isn't as bad as it is."

" What am I supposed to do? I can't sit here and say good bye. I don't want to say goodbye, this can't be goodbye."

"Then make it a 'just in case I don't see you later'" he said with a faint chuckle

I couldn't help but laugh at what he said,

"Okay, just in case I don't see you later... I wanted to thank you for always bringing joy to my life, and a smile to my face, even in the hardest of situations. I want to thank you for always being there for me when no one else was, for always seeing something in me when I didn't, for looking past the fame and seeing me. You've always been the person that stood beside me, when everyone else left, understood me when I made no sense, and loved me unconditionally...and literally took a fucking bullet for me for no reason at all."

"Your welcome, but all that was nothing compared to what you've done for me. And just to let you know there was a reason for me jumping in front of that bullet for you" he said with a smile

"Really, and what's that?"

"You already know why"

"Just tell me, just in case I don't see you later"

"Cause I love you Bil, always have, always will. Never stopped loving you"

I just sat there taking in what he said, knowing that this could be the last time I hear him say that

"See, I shouldn't have said it cause now I've freaked you out"

" You didn't freak me out Q, you know I love you too," I said placing my hand on top of his," It's just complicated now"

"I know, I just need you to know that I'll always be here waiting... if I make it out of here"

"You can't say that" I said trying to fight my tears once again

"Why?"

"Cause I'm with Katherine now"

"Can I just ask you one thing?"

"Of course"

"If I weren't dying and there was a better chance of me getting out of here, would you pick me instead?"

"Brandon you know I can't answer that, and that's not the case anyway."

"Okay, okay, fine I'll ask you this, because this is the case and this is a goodbye, could you give me one last kiss? It's okay if you say no."

"No, it's fine."

I brushed away my tears and placed a light kiss on his lips, this was goodbye after all.

But why did such an innocent kiss make me feel like I had fallen back in again.