PERFECTLY IMPERFECT (Corbyn Besson)

Hope

Hope. I had hope. I had hope to be dancer, to live my dream. I had hope that I could go to college, I had hope to have family, a normal life, but guess what, life is fucked up.

I was 15. 15 years old. I was a dancer, a ballet dancer to be exact. I had my whole life set out. I was going to work hard in Ballet but also keep my grades up and as soon as I graduated high school I'd get a scholarship to Julliard, but guess what life doesn't seem to be working in my favor. On April 15 2017 I was diagnosed with Leukemia, funny how you think going to school could possibly be the worst thing imaginable but when your fighting for your life in a cold, lifeless hospital room you finally see the world in perspective.

My parents supported me all the way through my struggles from taking me to doctors appointments to getting chemo done. 'I should've been more grateful for them' I think. Standing here in-front of my parents graves with teary eyes I can't seem to think of a word to say. My worlds, my best friends, my other halves are gone. I tried so hard to be strong during the funerals and tried so hard to be strong for my little brother but it seems today I just can't seem to hold on. The whole world around me comes crashing down.

I start sobbing uncontrollably, why did this have to happen i think to myself. This is all your fault that voice in my head reminds me, I know it is I respond weakly. I knew this was my own doing. I knew they would still be here is it wasn't for me. I knew that if I wasn't such a burden that they'd still be alive, but I still couldn't bring myself to accept that they were actually dead. It's been 8 months Jocelyn you have to try and move on. Why? Why should I move on? I caused all this shit to happen! If it wasn't for my stupid disease they would still be here!.

Eventually my legs give out and I sink to the floor. August 14 2018. The day I lost it all. I was at home taking my meds like usual. We were ready to leave for my chemo appointment and I just had to tie my hair up and we would be on a god awful 30 minute drive to my own personal hell. My mom walks down the stairs ready " come on honey, it's time to leave" she tells me softly. I smile back at her "sure mom, I'll be there in a second" I tell her. She smile at me and kisses my cheek and goes out the front door.

Once I'm done tying my hair I walk out the door to see my mom and dad in the car talking amongst themselves. I smile slightly,they were so perfect for each other. I could only hope that I would find someone like that. My parents see me and my dad motions for me to come into the car. I get into the car ready to leave and my dad turns around from the drivers seat. Hey hun, you ready?" He questions. I nod, he has always known I hates chemo but I do it because I want to live.

We set off on our drive and about half way through the drive the weather seems to become darker and I become weary. It doesn't look safe to carry on driving. Soon rain clouds dry moving in and it starts and a small drizzle, until it's not. It's a full blown storm and we don't even see it coming. A huge truck speeding our way on the oncoming lane. I see headlights and my head starts to spin. I realize I'm starting to lose consciousness but not before I see my moms panic stricken face and her mouth moving uncontrollably.

I wake up with a pounding headache and realize I'm in a hospital what?. I ring the bell for a nurse and she walks in looking shocked as if she didn't seem to think I was awake. "Hello?" I say groggily. She smiles at me kindly. "Hi, my name is Danielle" she responds " H-hey Danielle, d-do you k-know why I-I'm here?" I question stuttering slightly due to just being woken up. She looks at me sorrowful. "I'm sorry hun, your parents and you were in a car wreck, they didn't make it." I look up shocked and start tearing up. I keep muttering to myself 'no, no,no' she looks at me remorsefully. "Your aunt and uncle are waiting for you outside with you little brother" she says

I nod and ask her to send them in. As soon as they get into my room my little brother Brandon runs up to me and hugs me softly. "J-jossy, t-they w-wouldn't let m-me see y-you" he says sniffling. "Hey bud, it's okay don't worry, I'm gonna be okay" I whisper to him. " he looks up at me with tears swimming in his blue eyes. "You promise?" He says weakly. "I promise bud" I say. I finally look to my aunt and uncle to find them looking at me sadly. "Hey Munchkin" my Uncle says sadly. I smile at him " Hey Uncle Bash" i say trying not to cry, his actual name is Sebastian but I always called him Uncle Bash.

"Munchkin, I know this must be hard for you but we're gonna have to send you to LA for your treatments" my Aunt Anna says softly. I look at them both shocked. La?! As in Los Angeles, no fucking way! What am I gonna do with Brandon and where am I going to live?!. She looks at me and smiles. "I know you must be very anxious about this all, but we have this all figured out, your mom and dad used to live in LA and they never actually sold the house and Brandon is going to come with you. But don't worry because your gonna be taking care of Brandon we'll send you cash" she tell me. I'm shocked I can't believe I'm moving to LA?!

I don't feel bad that I'm going to have to leave I kind of feel relived that I'm leaving my past behind me. I'm obviously gonna miss everyone and I'm gonna miss my house  but I'll be starting a new life, somewhere here nobody knows who I am and they won't be able to judge me. I'm gonna be a brand new person.

*back to her parents grave*

I get up and wipe at my eyes. Today is the day I start anew. I walk to my uncles car and get in. The drive to the airport is uneventful for both me and everyone else. The car is filled with silence, silence that nobody wants to fill because we all don't know what to say. As we arrive at the airport I get out of the car and go to the boot and grab Brandons and my bags. We hug our aunt and uncle goodbye and promise to visit soon. We're on the plane sooner than I can imagine and I'm stuck in the middle of the isle because Brandon wanted 'the best seat ever known to man' aka the window seat.

The plane starts filling up and a boy about 20 years old( my age) is seated next to me. He looks cute. He's got blond hair and blue eyes and kind of has a resemblance to Jack Frost huh strange. I think. He looks over at me and smiles softly. "Hey I'm Corbyn!" He says cheerfully. "Hey I'm Jocelyn" I respond.