That Teacher (Wattys2016)

Chapter 25: Pandamonium

Chapter 25: Pandamonium

Monday (Three Days Later)

Even the grades I got on my final exams couldn't bring my mood up. All A's and yet they didn't mean a thing to me. High school tests came with study exams that practically mimicked the actual exam, making it way too easy to pass. Unfortunately life didn't come with a guide and I was left lost in confusion.

I wasn't sure what the right thing to do was. Was Chad even worth this? Was I worth him? Maybe I wasn't meant to be with someone, at least for now.

My mind felt like a blended mush and I wasn't sure what to do. I was tired of being like that, always having to guess my next move. Why couldn't I just know? Was the fact that I didn't a sign?

I shook my head; I couldn't be without him, not for these stupid reasons. People lie, I've lied. Not about big things like him but I have. I just hope that he could become the trustworthy person I needed him to be.

"You see, I told you that you're smart." Hunter said, leaning over my shoulder to see my scores on my phone.

"I got a ninety in chemistry so I'm pretty sure you got a perfect hundred."

"Actually, a ninety eight. I second guessed myself a few times so I'm pretty sure I know which ones I got wrong." He smirked.

I opened up my locker, not ready to see Chad. I knew it had to be done but why did I have to do it?

"Uh oh." He muttered.

"What do you mean uh oh?" I cocked a brow. Why was he hanging around all of sudden? We weren't friends; at least that was what I thought.

"You got that same sad face from New Year's Eve."

"I'm not sad, I'm just thinking."

"You're right. What do I know? I'm just the valedictorian."

"You need to shut-up." I rolled my eyes, taking out my calculus textbook for later. "I'm fine. Why do you care anyway?"

"I'm a very curious man."

"Or a very nosey boy."

"Potatoes and tomatoes." He chuckled, walking away.

I will never get guys; it would be impossible and stupid to even try.

*

"To start off the second semester, we will be going into a crazy piece of literature. It's called 'The Modest Proposal'." Chad announced, standing in front of the class. "If everything goes right, half of you will be vomiting uncontrollably."

He looked calm and there were no trembles in his voice, he was unfazed while I was wreck. How fair was that?

I tried to pay attention to what he said after that but my mind went foggy. All I could get myself to do was lightly tap my pencil on a blank sheet of paper in front of me. I didn't even notice when I took them out but yet there they were right in front of me. I felt so disconnected from the world like my brain was unplugged from my body and was now floating out in space. I hated this, I hated being like this.

I wanted my life back, pre-Max. I didn't care that things between Chad and I probably wouldn't have started if I never dated Max, I just wanted old Lilly. Yeah, that girl couldn't do a lot for herself but that was because she didn't need to. She didn't have people mad at her or a family splitting at the seams. She was happy.

Now that I looked at who I'd become, I wasn't proud. Yeah my grades were great and I had friends who were there for me, so what? Jillian wouldn't even talk to me when I walked up to her in the halls; she acted like I was some stranger. It was weird because I thought we made some progress. I didn't have a mother to lean on or a dad to guide me. The one I loved was keeping secrets from me and made lies about being with his ex.