A World Changing Fangirl

Chapter 8

We were now on the quinjet getting ready to leave the HYDRA base after unsuccessfully getting to Wanda and Pietro. At this point, I don't even know if it's worth going to other earths and I don't know if finding heroes was my real motive. I think I just want to find a new home. Maybe I can help other universes, not just the MCU. I could be the hero.

Anyway, I walk past Clint and my heart fills with guilt. I could've done a better job at warning him. My priorities weren't in the right spot. I need more practice and I don't think I'm going to be very good at this whole hero thing without it.

"Hey, Clint. I'm sorry I didn't warn you in time. I was too worried about getting to the twins that I - " I tried to apologize, but Clint cut me off.

"I know you tried. I also know that I will be okay," he states like it was a known fact.

To him and everyone else on this jet, it wasn't though. I was the only person who knew that he would survive the hit and get the tissue regeneration.

"What makes you say that?" I ask.

"Because of the way you look at me compared to the others. You see me as a human, so clearly I turn out okay. However, I can't say the same about a few others. Natasha and Tony for example. You can barely look at them," he told me and I realized that I haven't.

I never really thought about it until now, but he was right. I can't look at them without seeing them die. Seeing the faces of those who mourned them. I can't look at them without wanting to break down and cry.

"They die don't they?" he asks and I nod slowly.

Clint begins to shake with rage and I try to calm him down by placing a hand on his shoulder. I take deep breaths as if telling him to do so, and luckily he does. Clint slowly starts to calm down, but I know he wants to know more about their deaths.

"Was there anything I could do to save her? Did I do something wrong?"

I shake my head. I want to tell him that he did everything he could. I want to tell him that she sacrificed herself to save him. To save the world. I can't say any of that though. It would affect the future. He would figure it all out the second he heard about the sacrifice that was needed. He would tell her and who knows what would happen.

"You know I can't tell you that. I wish I could. I really wish, but I don't know what will happen if I do," I start to cry.

"Can you at least tell me if they suffered?" he mumbled.

"Natasha was okay with her death, and so was Tony. They were proud because they died for a reason. They didn't suffer and they died next to the ones they loved. It'll be okay," I reassure the spy and he nods wiping away a stray tear that flowed down his cheek.

"What happened to Steve? What did he do?" Clint asks just as I was about to stand.

I look at him with confusion until he elaborates.

"He's alive, I know that, but he did he get hurt? Did he do something that upset you, but you also feel conflicted about it. You have a habit of glaring at him, but you also notice it and try to hide that fact you're upset. Why?"

I'm surprised Clint can read me, but not his best friend who clearly has feelings for Banner. Which by the way, I don't ship. Steve and Nat all the way. Or Nat and Bucky. I like the idea of the spy falling for the nerd, but it seems a bit cliche and out of character for her. That's just my opinion though.

Back to why I'm upset with Steve though. I have noticed my petty glares and the thoughts that cross my mind. He just left his best friends, his family, just to be with a girl. I get that she was amazing and all, but I thought he got over that when you know, he kissed her freaking niece! I thought you were with him until the end of the line, Steve! I love Cap and all, but that really bothered me. He claimed to go get that life, but he had one in 2023. Steve had a family. He had a team. After Ultron, he even said that the man that came out of the ice didn't want to have the family life and it just wasn't who he was anymore.

It annoyed me.

"He broke a promise that's all," I sigh.

"Must have been one hell of a promise," Clint scoffed.

"Well, it was a promise that he made 100 years beforehand, so I would assume so."

I stood up and walked away knowing that I would only get angry with the conversation and needed to take my mid off things.

"Natalie!" Steve shouted.

You are literally the last person I want to talk to at this moment.

"Yes, Captain?" I sigh with irritation.

"Is there a problem?" Rogers asked, confused.

"Nope. What did you need?" I ask, wanting to get this over with.

"Well, I was hoping - "

Fortunately, Steve was cut off by Natasha. Apparently, she and Bruce were having a chat and she needed some outside input. Well, I knew what it was about and I knew the question and reply, so it's not much of an 'apparently.'

"Thor report on the Hulk," Nat commands.

Thor, who was standing near Steve and I slowly walked towards Nat and I could get a clear view of Asgardian's ass. And let me tell you, it's something.

"The gates of hell are filled with the screams of his victims," Thor says, overly happy.

"Here we go again," I mumble to Steve who just laughs to himself quietly.

Part of me got mad at Steve for laughing at my comment, but the other part hates that I got mad. Steve didn't do anything yet. He just has the potential of doing it. I mean why put in all the effort of finding Bucky just to ditch him?

I really need to change the topic.

I can't take the cringe that is about to happen, so I just leave to my own little corner and try to drown out the noise. It's not like I need to change or speed up anything in the near future, so I can have this time to myself.

~~~~

Once we land, the team starts to unload the quinjet, but I really have no idea what I'm doing or know of any help that I could be doing, so I just leave.

Or at least I try to.

"Natalie wait!" Steve calls after me.

I look back at him trying not to show my current anger that is still bottled up.

"I was hoping you could help put together a file for the Maximoffs with me and Hill. It would be easier since you know everything," he says and I can't help, but agree.

"Yeah sure," I smile through my emotions.

I'm trying okay. When I first got here, I was so happy to actually be here, but now that I'm stuck here, I'm not so charmed. Steve was there for me, but now he's just a member of the team. I'm not his friend and he isn't mine. Here I'm no one's friend.