A World Changing Fangirl

Chapter 10

Jarvis got me all setup and Natasha told me that I could borrow some of her clothes until my clothes that I just ordered online were here. Jarvis got me an identity and a credit card and a phone will be arriving soon, too, so that will be nice.

Anyway, I have a party to get ready for.

I asked Natasha what to wear and she gave me a nice red cocktail dress. It is very tight fitting and shows off all of my curves that I manage to have somehow.

Yoga does wonders.

There aren't any fancy designs on the dress. Just a plain red dress that ends just above my knees. It has a v neckline, but it doesn't go down all that far. As for sleeves, the only covering would be on my shoulders. Oh, and I'm wearing simple black heels.

My makeup is very simple. I'm really into all of that. It's just a simple nude eye with eyeliner and mascara. I put on a light lipgloss because I felt like being extra. I'm terrible at makeup, hair too. That's why my brown locks are down and curled. Nothing too fancy.

I kept to myself for the most part. I didn't have a whole lot of people to talk to. I could join Rhodes in his storytelling, but I've heard it a million times. I could go talk to Natasha, but I don't think I'm past her death. I only ever look at her when discussing our clothing situation. Steve is obviously a no go. Thor and Tony will be drinking. I'm too nervous to talk to Maria because she's too perfect and I don't know what conversation I could have with Banner or Cho.

There is one person I could talk to. One person that actually listens and apparently knows me. His name is Clint Barton.

"Hey, can I sit?" I ask Clint who is sitting on the couch alone.

"Yeah, sure thing kid," he replied quietly, but loud enough I could hear over all the noise of the party.

"I'm no kid Barton. Trust me, I used to be surrounded by them all the time," I scoff.

He looks at me shocked.

"Wait, did you have - "

Before he could finish I shook my head. I'm way too scared to raise a child. It's not easy, especially when you're working to get your degree. My world was bad enough for a kid, but this world I can't even imagine. With all the aliens and supervillains, you never know when the world could just end. I don't know how Clint does it.

"Oh, thank god. I don't know what I would do if I lost my kids," Clint sighs.

I try my hardest to keep myself calm. If Clint finds out his whole family just disappeared right in front of him, I don't know what I would do. Or what he would do. It's best to not give that away. To anyone.

"You alright Natalie?" Clint asks, nudging me.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just can't get my head around the fact that I'm in the world I obsessed about for 11 years. It kind of sucks actually. I'm just a sitting duck with no skills or abilities. I had a family and now they're all gone. I'm never going to get back to them because my world is gone and so are they. I didn't even get to say goodbye," I say holding back my tears.

I need to stop crying. They'll think I'm a pansy. I shouldn't be crying over the same things over and over again.

"It's okay to be upset. You have every right to be," Clint says and holds me in an embrace.

It only lasts for about a minute before someone taps my shoulder. I pull away from Clint and see Steve standing over me. He holds out his hand and I look back at Clint. He nods and tells me to go with him to wherever that may be.

I take Steve's hand and he pulls me up from the couch. We walk side by side until we reach the balcony. I leaned over the edge and enjoy the view even though I've seen it before. I can feel Steve's eyes staring straight through me and I look over at him to let him know I noticed.

"What is it you needed Spangles?" I ask coldly.

"Why are you upset? You're either sad, mad, or neutral. Why is that? Is there anything I can do?" he pleads.

"Steve, you don't know me. No one here does. You don't trust me and I don't trust you. I don't know what you'll do with any information I could tell you because you've never actually had a conversation with someone who wasn't involved with all of this. I hardly ever trust anyone. In fact, I really don't think I have trusted anyone without feeling like they hate me or dislike something about me. I've never met a single person in my life that has accepted me for who I am. I hate that I'm like this, but I don't let people in because I'm so sick of people letting me down. It's not even about getting hurt. Part of life is getting hurt over and over again. I just want one constant person in my life to be able to just help. Constant meaning that they've been there for me every time since I've met them. So far, that's Clint," I rant.

"What can I do to change that?" Steve asks calmly.

"That's the problem, Steve! I shouldn't have to change. You shouldn't have to change! The whole point of me trusting someone is because they accept me!" I retort.

"So you want me to like you despite the fact that hate me?"

" I don't hate you, Steve," I mumble and look at my feet.

"Then why do you glare at me and talk to me with a cold tone? You even had to ask Clint for permission to come and talk to me. You never talk to me unless I talk to you first and when I do, you are constantly biting your tongue. What did I do that was so wrong?" Steve asked, officially angry.

I say nothing. I just stand there about to cry. Not because what he said hurt me, but because I'm sick of being angry. I'm so done with bottling everything up. I can't let it out though. I can't just tell everyone that Steve left them all. I can't tell everyone that Nat and Tony die. I can't tell them that they lost the battle against Thanos and lost half of all life. I can't say that because it wouldn't change anything. There is nothing they can do to stop it because I haven't figured out how yet. I don't plan on telling them anything until I have a plan.

That's what slowly killing me.

"Well? You got nothing?" Steve presses.

We both hear footsteps coming in our direction, but we don't look away from each other's eyes. That's right. I'm looking at him in the eye. I'm proving to myself that I can get over this, so I'm having a stare down with Captain America.

"You guys okay out here?" Tony asks when he reaches us.

"Yeah. Just peachy," I say and violently wipe the tears that fell down my cheek.

I walk right past Tony and towards my bedroom. I just need some time alone. And I need to wash off this makeup and change.

Ultron's coming.

I got to be comfy if I'm going to take down a robot.