Roommates // Ben Hardy

Chapter Nineteen

After a tedious journey, you got back to you and Ben's apartment. You pulled your laptop to check your e-mails, and you found yourself becoming slightly panicked again.

You could see a bottle of whiskey on the counter, in the corner of your eye. One glass to take the edge of wouldn't hurt...and maybe you would feel calmer.

That was the beginning of your spiral.

The next week was an alcohol catalysed blur. Every night you would go out and get completely shit-faced. You woke up every morning with a slight headache and the lights irritated you slightly, but lucky for you, you didn't get very hungover, which was good because you had that meeting to go to in the midst of it.

You thought you had it under control, that it wasn't an addiction, and you could stop when you wanted to. The only thing stopping you was that you didn't want to stop.

You were on board with the project taking off, and even though you didn't remember most of the meeting and you were in and out of daydreams, they let you act as the head producer for the film.

It had been a week and you had completely forgotten everyone was coming back today. You had a glass of straight vodka lying on the table, which you were savouring.

You were lying on the couch backwards, so that your legs were flopped over the back of the couch and you were facing the ceiling. You were playing the Smiths and enjoying your buzz from the vodka, when the door burst open.

"y/n, what the hell?" Ben almost yelled, and you jumped up stumbling, trying to find your balance. "you were supposed to pick me up from the airport an hour ago. I had to phone a taxi, seen as you weren't picking up your phone either!" he continued.

You picked your phone up to check the date and time. Honestly the past week had been such a blur to you that you didn't have any clue how much time had passed. '6 missed calls – Ben' your phone read.

"shit, I'm so sorry, I must've had the music too loud..." you started, but you realised Ben wasn't paying attention. He, however, noticed that you were swaying slightly from side to side.

"what is this?" Ben asked, looking around the apartment at all the empty bottles that were scattered across the tables and chairs.

"I just had a drink or two. It's nothing" you insisted, as you quickly began picking up the bottles from the table and shoving them into a bag.

"that's not a little" Ben said worriedly.

You turned to look at him. "Ben I'm fine" you said, scoffing at him.

"this doesn't look fine" Ben retorted.

"well I am fine." You shouted, pinching the bridge of your nose after you lashed out. "I'm sorry, look – I promise I'm in control" you said, but when you turned back around you stumbled backwards onto the floor.

Ben ran over to kneel down beside you. He could see this was consuming you – you had heavy bags under your eyes, you looked very pale and frail and you were even shaking a little. You couldn't hold back your emotion, the tears flooded your eyes and came pouring out, uncontrollably.

Ben held you close to him. You found yourself in this position with Ben too often - you sobbing hysterically while he comforted you.

"you're okay. I've got you" he cooed in your ear, tightening his grip on you. Ben knew that you always ended up in this position too, but it broke his heart every time.

"I-I...I almost died Ben. I really thought that would be my last moment on earth. I never thought I'd see you again" you sobbed into him.

Those words, however. Ben had never felt such immense pain from one sentence. He instantly felt a pit in his stomach over how scared you must've been and he'd never properly thought about it before. He had really only focused on how worried he was and on the fact you were alive. His eyes pooled at the thought of it, but he knew he had to stay strong for you.

"y/n, you promised me you would get help. Please do it. For me" he said, holding your hand with a firm grip, whilst looking into your bloodshot eyes.

You nodded in agreement and let him hold you until you fell asleep.