Brown Eyes | Alren

| 17 |

Ally's team rushed in and we relayed the information to her manager and everyone else and they sat and waited with us. They were as nerve wrecked as us. But know one was was feeling the way I felt.

The nurse trailed back down the hall into the lobby where we all remained for the last 25 minutes. We all quickly jumped to our feet.

"If you want to see her, she's available now in room 318." The nurse announces, pointing towards the elevator.

"Here you go with the stupidity. IF you want to see her like what the f-"

"Lauren, let's just go." Dinah interrupts me, the nurse giving me a glare. I return the same look and follow Will, Ally's manager to the elevator and pull Normani on with me.

As soon as the door opened, I left everyone behind, speed walking-damn near running down the hall while scanning the numbers on the walls by the doors for 318 and it came down to the second-to-last door on the right.

I walked in quietly and slowly, broken-hearted when I see Ally laying there sleeping peacefully like a baby. She was patched up on her arms, she had a bruise on her chest from what I could see, a ventilator over her mouth and nose, a pulse oximeter on her right middle finger, a cut on her left forearm. She was in those hospital gowns that have your ass out. This shit was serious. And I was scared.

I took a seat in the chair next to Normani and Dinah sat next to me as Ally's team gathered around her bed.

"Wow, she's beautiful. She doesn't look like she's been in an accident at all." Dinah whispers as we all stared at her.

I took a good look at her face. She had a cut by her temple, a few fine cuts by her jawline and through the ventilator, I could see she had a busted lip. Most of the cuts looked like they were glass cuts from maybe the windshield or her window.

I wanted to hold her. I just wanted to hug her and kiss her and tell her that I'm sorry. All of this was because of me. This accident, her overdose, her taking stress pills, all because of what I got her into. I wanted to breakdown and cry my eyes out. I can't stand seeing her like this. I hurried and looked down st the floor.

"I can't believe this happened to her." I mumbled to the girls while carefully watching her sleep in awe.

"I know," Will shook his head. "I can't think of anything that could possibly put her in this situation. Like she seemed to be genuinely happy. Me as a manager I'm suppose to know her even when she's pretending and I didn't even realize it."

"She's going through something that she's not telling us about." Normani adds before she stands to look at Ally. I couldn't help but drop my head. No one in this room had no idea except me and Ally.

"Whatever it is, it's serious and she's still dealing with it." Dinah said before standing to stroke the side of Ally's face. "I can't believe she's been walking around smiling and laughing when clearly she's going through something and we never took time to pay attention."

"Well I don't think it's that." Will said, trying to make light of all this. While they tried piecing together, blaming themselves; Will believing it's because he's put so much on her schedule that it stressed her out, Dinah thinking she wasn't being good enough of a friend with communicating with Ally-Normani thinking the same, I just sat there. Everyone in the room were blaming themselves when it was no ones fault but mine. No, I wasn't gonna say anything. For what? I'll only make things worse.

I can't just burst out the truth over Ally's sleeping body. For fucks sake she was in a coma! It wouldn't be fair for me to come out with the truth and Ally can't be present to say her side of the story. I wouldn't do that to her.

"I can't stand seeing her like this." Dinah said as she begin to choke up. "Imma go."

Dinah walked out quickly and soon enough Normani asked to leave as well. I took my last look at Ally. I wanted to stay longer, but I wanted to stay alone. I wanted to talk to her.

On our way out, the nurse grabbed our attention. "So umm, did you find everything ok?"

Normani looked at me to signal for me to ignore her and keep walking but I ignored her instead and turned around.

"Shut the hell up." Was all I said before turning back around. I wasn't even in the mood to argue with her anymore.

When we arrived back st Normani house, I decided to just drop her off. So I didn't get out the car.

"Come on." Normani tells me while looking at me confused.

"Nah it's late and I'm gonna go ahead and go home." I said with a shrug.

"Awe," she cooed. "I guess this was too much for you toI, huh?"

She has no idea. I've been holding back a breakdown for the last three hours and I don't know how longer I can keep it in.

"Yeah. I still can't believe that happened to your friend." I said.

She nodded slowly and reached over to hug me, "Thanks for taking me up there and being there with me and Dinah. I appreciate it."

"Oh don't thank me. That's your best friend. I had to make sure you got to see her." I told her with a small grin. She looked at me for a few seconds before she leaned in to kiss me. Although I wasn't feeling the kiss, I kissed back anyway. We exchanged goodbyes and I watched her enter her house before I drove off.

I had to pull over on my way home just to get myself together. My eyes were getting blurry from my tears to the point where I could barely see.

I turned the engine off and just sat there. I can't believe this is all because of me. If I never met Ally, she wouldn't be in the hospital right now. If someone had told me all of this would've effected Ally like this months ago, I would've never even went in that bathroom that night.

I never meant to hurt Ally. God knows I would never. Ally's heart is too good and too pure and she's too sweet to be put in this situation. She loves so hard and we fell so deep for each other that I made it hard for her to end it with me. I convinced her, I begged and pleaded, I promised her. I did all these things to keep her by my side and I didn't even think about the fact that this would eventually come crashing down on her at once.

I haven't paid any attention to her lately. I haven't gave her space to vent, to talk to me. I've been too busy keeping up this charades that I've pretty much ignore the one woman I need to keep as close as possible. I've basically pushed her away all while thinking I was keeping her close.

Like how the hell did I not know she was taking medication? Not going to see her. How did I not know just how bad this was getting for her? Not talking to her.

I've pushed her to the side for my own selfish ways; trying to make sure everything seemed as it should and nothing more in everyone else's eyes.

I'm in pain. Pain because I know I'm wrong and I convinced the most innocent soul to be wrong with me. This woman is riding for me. Putting herself in this situation. Not saying anything because she loves me and would never let me go.

I strikingly believe this is love. If it isn't, why does it hurt so bad?