Brown Eyes | Alren

| 25 |

— Ally —
I've been sitting on my couch for the last 45 minutes. In the same spot, same position. I haven't moved at all.

It's dead silence in this condo. I live on the 30th floor out of the 40 floors of this building so I can't even use an excuse and say traffic is the only sound. 20 minutes ago I barely heard a plane pass over.

I don't know what to do at this point. I'm so lost and confused. My emotions are everywhere.

Never did I think I'd ever be in this situation. I didn't God would even place me near it. I don't know if this is the lord teaching a lesson or if this is devil who's got a hold of me.

This is just all too much for me. I don't know what to think anymore. I don't what to feel anymore. I don't know what to do anymore.

I love Lauren. I have since the day I met her. I love Normani. I love Dinah.

I can't really even be upset about too much of this. I can't really be mad at Normani about thinking she's pregnant. I can't be mad because she didn't wanna tell as soon as she took the test. Yes, I'm always hard on them about using protection, the last thing I want to do is for them to catch something or get hurt.

I cannot continue to hide this from Normani. She's pregnant now. She needs to know if she's gonna have a family with Lauren.

It just hurts me. When I think of pregnant and Lauren, I think of me. Me and Lauren, together, in love, our careers doing us right, me walking around with Lauren's son or daughter. Normani is living the life that I selfishly want that is actually suppose to be her that I hoe salty stole because of how I feel about Lauren.

I can't even think straight. I'm sad but I'm upset. This whole situation drives me crazy.

My phone goes off for the tenth time and I grab it out of aggravation. As I begin to put it on vibrate, I see that Ariana Grande dm'ed me on Instagram.

I haven't talked to her since Normani's thank you dinner. Normani made clear that they were distant friends shortly after the tour ended because their careers keeps them so busy that they don't have time to create a big friendship so I haven't seen her since the last time Normani seen her.

Confused but curious, I clicked the notification.

arianagrande: heeeey! i know it's been a minute since we last seen each other at Normani's 'thank you' dinner but I haven't really had a chance to talk to you bc my schedule has been so hectic and my acc has hacked for the last few days 😑 I read that you had been sick and in the hospital a few weeks ago and I know I'm late with coming to check on you but I actually just wanted to know if you had received the get well soon present I sent to the hospital bc I never did hear from you about it....

I read the message twice just to make sure I read everything correct.

me: omg hi! it's fine, you're busy it's okay ❤️ and no I never received a gift from you 😬

arianagrande: awe 😧 maybe it got lost in the mail 😕

me: maybe so 🤷🏽‍♀️ but it's okay, it's the thought that counts

arianagrande: well I wanted to invite you to my studio party . Normani said that she can't come because she said she would be busy and Dinah said she had a plane to catch

I hesitated. A studio party. That must be lit.

me: that's very sweet but I don't think I'm up for it 😬 I'm not in the best mood and I didn't really feel like going anywhere