careless // joshler

15½; josh

"no, ryan, i think i want to go out with him," josh mumbled, looking down at his hands. "it's weird, i guess."

"well, if you really want to, then you got to do it," ryan shrugged, smiling at his friend. "if you're sure you like him."

"but i don't even have his phone number."

"but who was that guy who texted you? wasn't it a tyler, and he knew your name?" brendon intervened, walking in the living room of ryan's home with two bags of food.

"dude, how'd you even know who we were talking about?" josh asked, getting up from the floor and rushing to get the food brendon was carrying. "thanks for the food, by the way."

"but don't you think it's too early?" dallon asked. "he hasn't been exactly the friendliest to you. or to ryan."

"i really don't know," josh sighed as he plopped onto the sofa, digging up a can of red bull from the plastic bag. "i guess maybe."

"you shouldn't worry about it, though. see what happens between the two of you and then decide," ryan spoke, his mouth full of potato chips.

josh nodded and watched as brendon laughed at ryan before kissing the boy. josh felt slightly jealous with the fact that all his friends were in relationships, and he started to wonder why no one ever wanted to date him. was he so weird? so gross? what was it about him? or was it about him at all? maybe everyone else just was better.

"josh?" dallon asked, snapping his fingers in front of josh's face, waking him up from his daze.

"h-huh?" josh mumbled, his cheeks tinting red. he didn't like drifting off into his thoughts in front of people. it made him feel weak and vulnerable, like it gives the others some kind of a hold over him. it was really stupid.

"i was trying to ask what movie you want to watch?" dallon answered, grinning a bit.

"u-um, actually, i think i should g-go home," josh stuttered, feeling like crying right then and there. "i'm n-not feeling too good."

dallon glanced over at ryan and brendon, who both shrugged in response. "are you alright? like, y'know?"

"what do you mean?" josh confusedly asked, trying to keep the tears in his eyes from falling.

"josh, i-we don't think you should go."

"w-what do y-you mean?" josh asked again, but failed to keep the tears in his eyes. "i'm f-fine."

"josh, you're crying," ryan said, scooting over to the crying boy and wrapping him in a hug. "you never cry around people. what's wrong?"

"n-nothing's wrong, i'm alright, it's okay, i should go," josh rambled, trying to stand up, but ryan's grip on josh was too tight. "r-ryan, i'm o-okay-y."

"josh, please," brendon spoke, looking at his boyfriend holding onto josh.

"i'm okay, let me g-go!"