careless // joshler

18½; josh

trigger warnings; mentions of suicide and kind of an anxiety attack of sorts

"ty! wait!" josh called after his friend.

the boy stopped and twisted around, looking at josh quickly before turning away and continuing.

"are you mad at me?"

no answer.

"what did i do?"

a shrug.

"tyler, please.."

"just leave me alone, joshua."

"not you, too! jesus christ! stop walking, tyler!" josh yelled, causing tyler to freeze on his place and flinch slightly.

josh was fast to run over to tyler, who was standing still with tears streaming down his face. josh watched in shock for a second or two, realizing he was the one who caused the tears before gently grabbing tyler's wrist and pulling him aside.

josh did notice how the action made the other boy flinch and wince, but he didn't know if he should say something, or if it had even happened in the first place. his mind tended to play ridiculous tricks on him at moments like this.

"tyler, tyler, please, stop crying, i'm sorry. i shouldn't've yelled at you, it was stupid and wrong," josh softly spoke, trying not to cry himself. he had proven out great at exploiting his friendships. "i just want to make sure you're okay before i let you go. you don't have to say anything to me, but i don't just want to let you walk away in this mindset. i know what can happen."

tyler gave josh a barely-there nod before settling his eyes upon a trashcan and sitting still. josh just watched the boy, deciding it'd be best to stay quiet and just observe the situation from the sidelines.

after ten minutes or so had passed, tyler had stopped crying and shaking. actually, he had gone blank of all emotions, and josh wasn't sure if it was better than the crying and shaking. he really wasn't. he didn't know if it was safe to let tyler walk himself home, but he didn't want to seem intrusive and asshole-ish, either.

"tyler, i think-i think maybe it's best i walk home with you," josh quietly said, carefully watching tyler's face for any emotions.

tyler shrugged and slowly got up, looking down at josh. "how come?"

"i don't want you to do anything stupid," josh replied, standing up as well. "it'd be my fault."

"so you're taking responsibility of all my actions after you yell at me and make me cry, just because you think that is the only thing that could be bothering me at the moment?"

"no, tyler,i-,"

"how convenient, i guess i should make you yell at me when i'm gonna kill myself so i can't get blamed because you say it's your fault."

"tyler-,"

"just leave me alone."