careless // joshler

22½; josh

mentions of self-harm, cuts and briefly alcohol!

today was the day josh was finally going to be brave and do it. he was currently walking to school, thinking of possible ways of actually doing it. he didn't want it to be too overboard, but small and simple seemed stupid, too. it wasn't a small and simple thing, what he was going to do. it'd have to go just right.

with these thoughts swirling in his head, josh arrived at school and made his way to his locker. after he got his things, he quickly walked over to tyler's locker.

five or so minutes passed, and josh could see the familiar head of fluffy brown hair.

"tyler!" josh happily exclaimed, waving at the boy. when tyler got closer, josh noticed how tried he looked. "have you slept?"

"yes," tyler groggily answered. "for two hours. and i have a hangover."

"so you drank last night?"

"i told you i would."

"yeah, i know. i just wasn't sure if you actually did it."

"well, i did."

"okay."

as tyler pulled his books from his locker, he turned to josh. "hey, joshua-"

simultaneously, josh had opened his mouth, getting out a "tyler, i-".

"you first," tyler said.

"no, you can go first."

"same time?" tyler asked, grinning slightly.

"okay," josh agreed. "three, two, one."

"will you go out with me?"

"would you go to a date with me?"

tyler was the first to realize what had happened, and he looked at josh with a ridiculed sort of look on his face. "really?"

"yeah," josh laughed, scratching the back of his neck. "funny."

"at this rate we should get married," tyler chuckled, causing josh to blush and look at the floor. tyler leaned in and whispered into josh's ear. "aw, baby boy, i like it when you blush."

and, surely, josh kept on blushing. he was blushing basically the whole day, courtesy to tyler's comments and actions. at the end of the school day josh had gotten so sexually frustrated that all he wanted to do was slam his head against a wall.

"god damn it, tyler!" josh sighed as the boy was yet again whispering god knows what into the purple-haired boy's ear. "just do something, stop teasing!"

"i won't if you talk to me like that," tyler said, a smirk ghosting his cocky face.

"dude, i'm serious," josh complained. "you have no idea how riled up i am right now."

tyler just shrugged in response, leaving josh to his pouting and complaining.

"sorry.." josh tried after a few minutes, carefully examining tyler's face.

"for?" the latter asked, keeping his face towards josh's television, scrolling through netflix.

"you know what."

"mmh, no i don't."

"tyylerrrr," josh pleaded. "c'monnn."

"you have to base your apology on something."

"oh, for fucks sake," josh groaned, uncomfortably shifting on the couch. "sorry for complaining?"

"meh, better," tyler said, taking a quick glance at josh. "but i think you could still do a bit better."

a lightbulb switched on in josh's head, and he thought that this might've been the second coming of jesus. "sorry, daddy."

josh watched as tyler shifted, checking out josh from the corner of his eye.

"is that it, tyler?"

"i knew you'd figure it out, eventually," tyler said, turning towards josh. "so, what's it you want?"

as josh looked into tyler's eyes, he mustered up the non-existent confidence he had, and placed his lips on tyler's. soon enough the kiss got deeper and deeper, until tyler was pulling off josh's shirt, and josh was quick to pull away.

"what-what's wrong?" tyler asked, out of breath. "is everything okay?"

"i-i.. it's just that, uh," josh tried. "i d-d-don't.."

"hey, breathe, okay? breathe with me," tyler instructed, starting to breathe in a slow, steady rhythm. "good, you're doing great. keep going."

ten minutes went by until josh could finally talk without too much stuttering. he was gathering his thoughts, not really knowing what to say to tyler.

"so, do you want to tell me what's wrong?" tyler softly asked, rubbing soothing circles into josh's back. "take your time."

"there's just, you know, stuff.. on my-my body..?"

"you mean..?" tyler asked, slowly lifting his shirt sleeve. josh saw tens of cuts and felt like he might burst into tears. "hey, hey, hey. don't cry. it's okay."

"it's not, but yeah. that's w-what i mean."

"well, i get it. life is hard. i know it, and i most definitely won't judge you for it, i'd be a hypocrite if i did. but, joshua, life, i believe, does get better. please, try to stop."

"y-yeah.." josh smiled slightly, gently pulling tyler's shirt sleeve back down.

"do you want to continue?" tyler asked with a smirk on his face. "i really liked where it was going."

"hell yes."

"language!"

"i kind of have the feeling you won't say thatwhen i'm moaning underneath you, but okay for now."